The Illusion of Forever

I had been secretly in love with my childhood friend for nine long years. When we finally got married, my family and friends thought I was the happiest person in the world. After I became pregnant, he used the excuse of "helping an old classmate" and invited the most beautiful girl from our class into our home. During the worst of my pregnancy, when nausea and exhaustion hit hardest, he took her to the hospital, made crafts with her, and watched sunsets with her. He even had the guts to accuse me of being small-minded and petty and acting like a bitter, jealous wife. Only then did I realize that it was just my foolish fantasy that I lived my dream of marrying my childhood sweetheart and had a happy life. I let go of the love I had for him and of the future I thought we would share. Now, however, he was the one who regretted it. Chapter 1 All a Fantasy This was the first time I had ever laid eyes on Ashley Summers, the delicate and fragile class belle I had only heard about from Nicholas Graham's friends. She looked frail, and a bandage was wrapped around her wrist. Yet, despite her weakened state, nothing could dim the unique air she carried with her. She was like a flower weathering the storm, fragile but unyielding in her grace. I had seen her once in a university graduation photo, standing next to Nicholas. In that picture, she was leaning slightly toward him with a sweet smile playing across her lips. I had even joked with him, teasingly asking if he had fallen for the girl in the photo. He pulled me close that day, holding my hand tightly as he got down on one knee and promising that it was always me whom he loved. Now, as I absently stroked the wedding ring on my left ring finger, a wave of bitterness washed over me. It was followed swiftly by a surge of nausea that twisted in my stomach, rising like bile. Without another thought for the two people standing at the door, I rushed to the bathroom and vomited. When I finally looked up at the mirror, the woman staring back at me had red, swollen eyes and a sickly pale complexion due to the relentless waves of morning sickness. I also saw the reflection of a man standing behind me, his face hard and unreadable. He massaged his temples with his hand, and when he spoke, his voice was calm, but there was no room for argument. "Ash hasn't been well lately. She's going to stay here for a few days." I said nothing but just turned back to the sink and turned on the tap to wash away the last bits of bile in silence. I had known for some time that Nicholas had been seeing Ashley behind my back, but I never imagined he would bring her into our marital home, which I had designed. … A month ago, my best friend Lily sent me a photo of Nicholas flying a kite with another woman. At the time, I had just found out I was two months pregnant, and the breakfast he made for me before going to work in the morning was still sitting on the table. I remembered brushing off the image, defending him immediately, thinking it was probably just a work thing or maybe he was with a client. Perhaps he had simply run into some girl who couldn't get her kite in the air. In my mind, I had already crafted hundreds of excuses for him. Back then, I truly believed him when he said he would love me forever. Even later, when I found lipstick that wasn't mine on the passenger seat or saw an opened gift box that hadn't been for me, I would still come up with reasons to justify his actions. It was all because I loved him. I had loved him for ten long years. Even now, even as he brought Ashley into our home under the pretense of helping her recover, I still clung to some foolish hope. I had always believed that trusting one's partner was the secret recipe to making a relationship last. However, the heavy ache in my chest and the way Nicholas looked at Ashley with such concern seemed to remind me that the vows he made at our wedding had long since faded from his memory. Chapter 2 Divorce Ashley had been moved into the sunniest room in the house by Nicholas. It was the very room I had deliberately reserved when I designed it to be a nursery. Now, it was being used by a woman who was a complete stranger to me, arranged there by the man I loved. I stood in the living room, listening to the cheerful laughter that echoed from the crevice in the door. So many times, I wanted to burst in and tell that heartbroken woman that Nicholas was mine, but I couldn't. After all, they were only friends. He had reassured me of that, saying he was just showing her some compassion. If I objected, I wouldn't be the understanding and reasonable Luna Cromwell that I was supposed to be. I absentmindedly placed a hand on my still-flat belly and glanced at the sky gradually darkening outside the window. I then grabbed my phone and headed out to buy groceries. Ever since we found out I was pregnant, Nicholas had repeatedly urged me to quit my job and focus on taking care of our baby. He promised he would take good care of me. At first, I resisted. However, the severe nausea and fatigue from the pregnancy made it impossible for me to keep working. So, reluctantly, I gave up my career and dedicated myself to our family. By the time I returned from grocery shopping, the house was already filled with a spicy aroma. It was clear they hadn't expected me back so soon. The cheerful pair fell silent the moment they saw me standing there with grocery bags in hand. Nicholas quickly recovered from his shock and rushed over to take the bags from me. He guided me to the dining table, his voice tinged with guilt as he spoke. "I thought you were upset with me and had gone to stay with your friend. Ash was hungry, so I ordered some hotpot for us." Ashley, who looked much healthier now, flashed me a wide smile. "Sorry about that," she said, her tone cheerful as she waved at Nicholas. "Nick, grab an extra bowl and fork for Luna!" She acted like the hostess of this home. Meanwhile, I looked worn out and defeated, as I was the guest who came seeking help. … Nicholas placed another order for delivery, and it was the same hotpot. He sat beside me, placing a fish ball in my empty bowl. A streak of bright yellow chili oil was behind. "This is your favorite, Luna. Quickly take a bite." Ashley chimed in enthusiastically, "Yeah, Luna, don't be mad at Nick. He's just being kind because I've got nowhere else to go." I took the disposable fork Nicholas handed me and felt both pairs of expectant eyes watching me. I speared a fish ball and chewed it quickly before swallowing. The burning sensation twisted my insides until I couldn't help but gag. Across the table, Ashley's face darkened with discomfort as she watched. "I know you don't like me, Luna, but do you really have to disgust me like this? You were gagging the moment I walked in, and now you're doing it again while eating! Do I really disgust you that much?" Her eyes brimmed with tears, and her voice rose in frustration as she stood up to question me. It was clear Nicholas hadn't told her about my pregnancy. Perhaps he didn't want to scare her off with the truth. I turned to look at him, hoping for some support, but he looked at me with growing impatience. I ultimately held back my tears and questions, rushing into the bathroom, where I threw up until I felt dizzy and disoriented. After my morning sickness finally subsided, I heard a woman sobbing outside the door. "I wouldn't have come if I knew she hated me this much." "She doesn't hate you," Nicholas murmured, his voice low. "She's just… not feeling well recently." The sobbing softened. It was probably because she was being embraced by Nicholas. At that moment, a thought I had never dared entertain before popped up in my mind. 'Divorce,' I mused. I couldn't bear to share the person I loved with another woman. And yet, how could I just walk away from everything we had and from all the years we had spent together? I glanced down at my flat belly and, for the first time, I couldn't hold back my tears. 'She's still so small and hasn't gotten a chance to see this world yet,' I thought sadly. Chapter 3 Time to Make Changes Nicholas went back to bed in the middle of the night, stinking of sweat and dirt, after he had finally gotten Ashley to sleep. I turned away from him, hoping that sleep would come soon. I didn't want to argue about what had happened today, but he wasn't going to let me off that easily. "Luna, I know you're not happy about Ash staying with us, but I already promised her she could stay for a while. Don't worry, she won't be here long. She's in a fragile state right now, and she needs someone to take care of her." I gave a muffled response. "Do whatever pleases you." The next moment, I felt his hand resting on my waist, and he began to caress me in slow circles. His breath became heavier at the same time. Something inside my mind snapped, like a bomb going off. The man I had loved for a decade was now someone I barely recognized, someone who had become rotten from the inside out. "Nicholas," I said, my tone cold and sharp. "Have you forgotten I'm pregnant?" After a brief pause, he drew his hand away and turned over, putting an invisible barrier between us. "Sleep tight, Luna." I opened my eyes and gazed at the flowy drapes gently moving with the wind, recalling the happiness on his face upon our initial purchase of this residence. Back then, he had held me tightly, eyes red with emotion and his voice hoarse with happiness. "Luna, we finally have a place of our own!" I believed he loved me, that his heart was full of me and only me. But when did it all start to fall apart? Was it after Ashley's divorce? Or perhaps it began when I left my job? I was unable to tell. Confusion and racing thoughts raced through my head until, at last, fatigue drew me under. In my dreams, I saw Nicholas standing there and waving in the distance. I turned and started to approach him, but before I could get close enough to reach out, he turned and left. I continued to stray aimlessly while making a valiant effort to cling to the bliss that was eluding me. I was walking through a thick fog when the dream abruptly ended. A sharp cry startled me out of my sleep. I turned to see Nicholas running out of the bedroom. It was Ashley, who had had an allergic reaction to pollen. I had forgotten to remove the roses I bought two days ago from the nursery room, and now she was suffering because of my mistake. When Nicholas carried Ashley on his back toward the elevator, I caught a glimpse of his face through the closing doors. His lips were parted slightly, and his brow furrowed in deep concern. Even when I told him I was pregnant, he hadn't looked that worried. I wanted to close the door, but I noticed the white roses Nicholas had carelessly tossed aside in the corner. The stems remained moist. The flowers' lives were taken before they could bloom. Their destiny might have been predetermined from the minute they were harvested. Just like mine. I cleaned up the puddles on the floor and gathered the fallen petals strewn across the living room before taking the bouquet downstairs to throw them out. In the elevator, I ran into my neighbor, who was taking her child to school. "Miss, did your brother bring his girlfriend home last night?" the child asked innocently. My face turned pale. Even outsiders had noticed the inappropriate closeness between Nicholas and Ashley, while I had been deluding myself all along. I had made excuses for him, telling myself that no matter what Nicholas did, there was always a valid reason behind it. But in the end, my tolerance and generosity had only harmed me, leading him to believe that I would never leave, no matter how far he pushed me. Noticing the shift in my expression, the woman quickly clamped a hand over her child's mouth and muttered an apology. I just shook my head and stepped out of the elevator wearily. In the distance, the first light of dawn was breaking through, turning the sky into a canvas of deep reds and golds. It was time for me to make changes in my life. Chapter 4 He Was the Perfect Match At noon, I was right in the middle of sipping on some porridge when I received a video call from my mother. Her eyes filled with sorrow the moment she noticed my pallid face and the bowl of porridge in my hands. This was the longest period I had ever been away from home. Never had my parents and I ever been apart in my twenty-seven years of life until now. With a note of concern and frustration in her voice, she asked where Nicholas was and how I could be suffering so much during my pregnancy. I didn't know how to begin telling her everything that had happened recently. To my parents, Nicholas was the perfect match. We had grown up together. He was dependable, honest, a graduate from a prestigious university, and held a stable job. He was everything they could hope for in a son-in-law, and we had been in love. Remembering all this made my tears sting the corners of my eyes. In the end, I brushed off her questions with a few vague responses and quickly ended the video call. They had spent their whole lives worrying about me, only to finally see me married and settled. I wasn't about to burden them with the mess my marriage had become. After hanging up, I opened the chat window with Nicholas. The last message was dated a week ago when he sent me a message about a business trip. A week later, he had come back with a homeless woman in tow. I sat on the couch and laughed at myself, laughing at the fact that the relationship between him and I was ending in such an ugly way. Ding! The sudden sound of a notification echoed in the empty room. It was a friend request from Ashley. I hesitated for a moment before accepting. Then, she sent me a picture. I didn't even need to click on it to know that it was a photo of her and Nicholas. My fingers trembled as I clicked on the image, even though I knew it was a provocation. There they were, smiling like nothing in the world could touch them. Ashley's skin, once marred by an allergic reaction, was clear again, with hardly a trace of redness. She and Nicholas were holding a piece of pottery they had been shaping together. Mud splattered across his face. I hadn't seen him that happy in so long. Ever since I got pregnant, there had been a constant shadow on his face. He told me that he felt the weight of responsibility bearing down on him and that the thought of becoming a father excited and terrified him at the same time. He grew angrier as my pregnancy symptoms worsened. I had wanted him to spend more time with me, but he said he didn't want it to interfere with his work. 'Work?' I thought bitterly. He wasn't avoiding me because of work. He was avoiding me so he could be with Ashley. Only I had been foolish enough to believe his excuses. I saved the photo and took a screenshot of our chat. All of this would help me to divorce him. Afterward, I sent Nicholas a message, asking him when he would be home. I reminded him that my prenatal check-up was tomorrow. As expected, there was no reply. Later that evening, as I finally managed to eat a bit of fruit, I saw Ashley's latest post on her social media feed. Chapter 5 Played Like a Fool "After everything we've been through, only you're still waiting for me." The picture showed the back of two people sitting side by side, gazing at the sunset by the beach. Settling in Wavecrest City was Nicholas' idea. He said he loved the vastness of the sea and the city. I used to think it was simply because he had spent four years here during university and couldn't bear to leave. Now, I finally understood what he meant. Maybe there truly was something between them back in university. Maybe all of his friends knew but me. No wonder the day before our wedding, I noticed the best man repeatedly trying to say something to me but stopping himself every time. And then, there was Nicholas, who was so drunk that night that he passed out and never made it back to our bridal suite. I wasted no time and called one of his old university roommates, asking to meet at a café not far from my apartment. Half an hour later, I was face-to-face with the very same best man who was trying to tell me something two years ago. I was relieved he hadn't moved away from the city. It gave me a chance to uncover the truth. It seemed he had been expecting this moment. As soon as he sat down, he handed me several printed A4 papers. "Luna, I never wanted to deceive you. But Nick's my good friend, too. Now, though, I just can't stand by and let him go this far." I took the papers from him, managing a smile that felt more like a grimace, something closer to tears. He must have seen Ashley's recent post on social media as well. So, I wasn't wrong after all. The first page detailed everything that had happened between Ashley and Nicholas during their university days—how, in their second year, he had made a public declaration of love to her; how they had affectionately sung a duet on Valentine's Day at a school event; and how he had lifted her high above the crowd in celebration after winning a basketball game. And most painfully, the truth about why he proposed to me that day. The tears came fast, landing on those words in the paper. It turned out Ashley had gotten married that very day! His proposal to me wasn't out of love; it was because, without her, it didn't matter who he married. The childhood sweetheart romance, the ten years of unwavering affection I thought we had, was all just in my head. He lied to me, and he lied to everyone who trusted him. The man sitting across from me handed me a few tissues and said apologetically, "Luna, everything I know is written there. Don't be too upset. If anyone's to blame, it's Nick for going too far." He let out a deep breath as though a heavy weight had finally been lifted off his chest, then stood up and left without another word. I remained dazed as I walked back "home" like a hollow shell. The air in this city felt thick and oppressive as I struggled to breathe. Even the wind blowing against my face was hot. This was not the home I had once dreamed of. After two years of living in this city, I never imagined it could feel so suffocating. Fortunately, this chapter was coming to an end. … It was late when Nicholas and Ashley returned, worn out from their day together. I stayed seated in the living room, waiting for them. The two of them met my gaze when they opened the door. The carefree, light-hearted atmosphere that clung to them stood in stark contrast to the exhaustion weighing me down. I saw the smile fade from Nicholas' face as his gaze shifted from Ashley to me, his expression tightening as though he were looking at something unpleasant. I didn't say a word. Ashley, ever quick to smooth things over, broke the tension. "I'll go wash up," she said casually. "Nick, why don't you sit with Luna?" 'Telling my husband to spend time with me? Listen to that, what an absurd statement,' I mused bitterly. I didn't expect that one day, I would come to the point of being humiliated by others. Without waiting for him to sit down, I stared straight into his eyes. "Did you see the messages I sent you?" He was the same as usual, with impatience in his tone. "My phone fell in the water. Just tell me what it is." Another excuse. I didn't even know what was true anymore. "Tomorrow's the prenatal checkup. Will you be there?" My voice was sharp as I challenged him. "I have a meeting," he replied, tugging at the collar of his shirt. As he did, I caught sight of the red marks on his skin. My world collapsed. My mind went blank, buzzing like a broken machine, as I grabbed the wooden tissue box next to me and threw it at him. He wasn't expecting the sudden attack and was startled. Hearing the noise, Ashley rushed out of the bathroom. Her face was still dripping with water. "Luna! Are you crazy?" she shouted. She reached out and instinctively rubbed his bruised forehead. They acted just like a newlywed couple.