I Can't Keep You, so I'll Let Go

The day my SAT score comes in, I automatically call out to the living room. "Mom, Dad, I got 1570! I can go to college in Brookmere with Paige and Julia now!" But only silence answers me. Four rag dolls sit on the couch—Mom, Dad, my sister, Paige Hunt, and my childhood best friend, Julia Andrews. They stare back at me with round eyes, keeping me company quietly just like they have for countless nights. Suddenly, it hits me. This isn't the Hunt residence. I was kidnapped when I was five. Mom couldn't handle the shock, so Dad adopted Reynold Hunt to comfort her. A year ago, I was finally found and brought back. But within a few months, Reynold threw a tantrum and threatened to end his life, all because my grades were better and I outshone him at every turn. So, I became the Hunt family's dirty little secret, banished to this rented apartment. The first night I moved in, a drunk neighbor pounded on the wrong door. Terrified under my blanket, I called Mom, Dad, Paige, and Julia, but every call went straight to a cold dial tone. Right before dawn, Mom finally texted. "Stop calling. Even seeing your number makes Reynold upset." After that, I made four dolls in their likeness. They ate with me and slept by my side. They listened to every milestone I achieved and every heartbreak I had no one else to tell. But this time, as tears stream down my face, I don't reach out to hug them. After walking in the dark for so long, I finally find the courage to never look back. Chapter 1 I stood there and really looked at the rented apartment I'd spent the last year in for the very first time. The wallpaper was peeling off in chunks, exposing the ash-gray concrete underneath. The curtains were stiff from too many washes, and their edges were stained with stubborn mold. The ancient AC rattled overhead, blowing nothing but hot air. During the hottest months of exam prep, I sat at my desk every day grinding through practice papers. By the time I finished a single test, I'd be drenched in enough sweat to wash myself twice. But my family wasn't poor. Mom, Dad, my sister, Paige Hunt, and my adopted brother, Reynold Hunt, lived in a 3,000-square-meter luxury apartment right downtown. Reynold had his own study, piano room, and gaming room. Even his collection of sneakers and figurines had its own dedicated display room. Yet, when they kicked me out, Mom just frowned and said, "It's only for a year. There's no need to rent a fancy place. Once the SAT is over, we'll bring you home." But it had been over two weeks since the SAT ended, and the results were released that day. But not a single soul had mentioned letting me come back. I looked down, about to pack away my four rag dolls, when my phone buzzed with a text from Mom. "Ollie, come home later. We need to talk about your college applications." I stared blankly at the words "come home". My heart, which had already sunk to the bottom, foolishly stirred again. Maybe they did remember me after all. I rushed downstairs. Anxious that the bus would take too long, I splurged on a cab for the first time. When I pushed the front door open, the living room was bursting with life. Mom, Dad, Paige, and my childhood best friend, Julia Andrews, were all there. They were crowding around Reynold, who sat in the middle behind four beautifully wrapped gifts. Mom stroked his hair and said gently, "Well done, Reynold. You scored over 1,300. You can go to college in Brookmere now." Paige chimed in, smiling, "Of course he's going to Crawford University. I tutored him in math myself. I spent a whole year stressing over him. It wouldn't make sense if he didn't go to the same school as me." Julia frowned. "No way. I was the one who got his literature scores up. He should go to Beaumont University." They bickered back and forth like they were fighting over a priceless treasure. Meanwhile, I stood by the entryway, looking exactly like a thief who had broken into someone else's house. After a long while, Mom finally noticed me, and the smile faded from her face. "Oh, welcome back, Ollie." The laughter in the room died instantly. Reynold glanced at me, gathered his gifts, and turned to head back to his room. The rest of them just stared at me, looking awkward. Finally, Paige broke the silence. "Don't just stand there. Come sit." I walked over quietly and took a seat on the single armchair at the very edge. Dad cleared his throat and asked, "Did your scores come out?" I nodded. "Yeah." "How much did you get?" Just as I opened my mouth to answer, Mom cut me off. "The score doesn't matter right now. We called you back today to talk about your college application." Feeling diffident, she avoided meeting my eyes. "Don't apply to any schools in Brookmere. Reynold studied very hard for a whole year just to get over 1,300. If you go to Brookmere too, he's probably going to throw another fit." My fingernails dug deep into my palms, and the dull ache slowly radiated upward. They knew that the best universities in the country were all in Brookmere. Yet, for the sake of avoiding a potential tantrum from Reynold, they just casually threw away my entire future. Refusing to give up, I looked at Dad. He looked completely on board with the idea. "Just listen to your mom. This family is finally peaceful. Stop making trouble." I turned to Paige, who frowned and spoke in a matter-of-fact tone. "Selvarin has good schools too. Just go there. It's closer to home anyway." Finally, I looked at Julia. She kept her head down, not daring to meet my eyes. After a long pause, she said softly, "Ollie, you've always been smart. You'll do great no matter what school you go to. But Reynold is different. He's insecure, and he needs someone to look after him." Chapter 2 Smart. That was the word I'd heard the most ever since I was brought back to the Hunt family. Reynold was the child Mom and Dad adopted after I went missing. He had helped them through their darkest days. So even though I was their biological son, I could never measure up to Reynold in their hearts. The only thing I had going for me was that I was smart. I only had to look at a textbook once to get it, and a single glance was all it took to solve a problem. But Mom and Dad never loved me any more for it. They would only sigh helplessly. "Being smart is a good thing, of course. But we're a family. There's no need to always turn everything into a competition. Reynold is already working so hard. Can't you just let him have this?" And so, coming in first was my fault. Scoring a perfect mark was my fault. Being better than Reynold was the biggest fault of all. To make up for my "wrongdoings", they doubled their efforts to make it up to Reynold. The best food went to him first. He would receive new clothes before I did. Even their affection went to him first. But Julia was supposed to be different. Before I turned five, she was my best friend. Our families lived close by, and she loved tagging along behind me, constantly calling out my name. That year, we went to an amusement park together. A car almost hit her, and I pushed her out of the way without thinking. That was also the day a child trafficker snatched me away in the chaos. I didn't see her again for many years. A year ago, my family finally found me. When I saw Julia again, her eyes were red from crying. She held me tight and repeated over and over, "Ollie, I'm so sorry. If you hadn't saved me, you would never have gone missing. I'll take care of you from now on." At that time, she really did take good care of me. She helped me get used to this house, which felt both strange and familiar, and tutored me to help me catch up on the schoolwork I'd missed over the years. And when others gossiped about me being an outsider, she would knit her brows and speak up for me. "Ollie is the Hunts' biological son. His return is never a mistake." I used to think that even if everyone else changed, Julia never would. But later, Reynold grew more and more insecure because of my return. With tears in his eyes, he would constantly say he was afraid that my return meant Mom, Dad, Paige, and Julia wouldn't want him anymore. So Julia started spending more and more time with him, comforting him. Gradually, she began choosing his side more and more. Eventually, she started defending him in front of me, always with unwavering conviction. "Reynold is innocent. Now that you're back home, stop trying to kick him out." Still, I liked Julia because she was the very first person who had ever firmly stood by me. But now, even she was saying this. The living room fell silent for a moment. Paige was the first to frown. She tapped the coffee table impatiently. "Ollie, say something. Mom and Dad are doing this for the sake of the family. It's not like they're trying to hurt you." I kept my eyes down. My throat felt like it was being tightly squeezed. After a long pause, I managed a quiet "okay". Everyone finally breathed a sigh of relief, and as if on cue, they each pulled out a bag from behind them. "Alright. Drop the long face. These are your graduation gifts. You get whatever Reynold got. Don't go saying that we're biased." As I looked at the four gifts in front of me, my eyes suddenly stung. What was this supposed to be? A slap across the face followed by a piece of candy? Besides, I had seen clearly just moments ago. In front of Reynold were the latest phone, a laptop, limited-edition sneakers, and concert tickets he'd been begging for. What they handed me was just a fountain pen, a book, an ordinary backpack, and a shirt with the tags already cut off. I took the gifts and stood up to leave. "Ollie." Mom stopped me and hesitated before asking, "Do you want to stay for dinner?" I couldn't help but look down with a bitter smile. This was supposed to be my home too. Yet, even having a meal here was phrased as "staying". Swallowing the lump in my throat, I shook my head and said, "No, thanks." Once outside, I tossed all four gifts straight into the neighborhood dumpster. On the bus ride back, I scrolled past a new post from Reynold on Instagram. "The annoying person finally left. It's time for a good dinner!" The attached photo showed Mom, Dad, Paige, and Julia gathered around the dining table. The table was packed with crabs, shrimp, and oysters… There were eight dishes in total, and every single one contained seafood that I was severely allergic to. At that moment, I actually felt relieved that I hadn't stayed. If I had, it would have just been a self-inflicted humiliation. Out of that entire spread, the only thing I could have safely eaten was that bowl of salad. Back at the apartment, I started packing my things. I turned the rag dolls in the living room around, facing them against the wall like they were in timeout. On the desk, pinned under the most noticeable spot, was a postcard. It was a gift from Julia when I was first brought back to the family. It featured a picture of the lake at Beaumont University, and in the bottom right corner was her neat yet firm handwriting. "Ollie, I'll be waiting for you at Beaumont University." I stared at it for a couple of seconds, pulled it out, and tore it right down the middle. Chapter 3 The next day, I went to work at the bubble tea shop as usual. My job for the day was to wear a mascot suit and hand out flyers outside the mall entrance. By noon, the sun was brutal, and the heavy suit felt suffocatingly hot. I couldn't take it anymore, so I pulled off the mascot head and squatted in a corner to grab a drink of water. "Ollie?" A familiar voice came from behind me. My hands froze, and I turned around. Mom, Dad, Paige, Julia, and Reynold were standing just a few feet away. Paige and Julia were loaded down with shopping bags. I didn't have to guess to know that those were for Reynold. Seeing me drenched in sweat, Mom didn't show a hint of sympathy. There was only embarrassment and anger in her eyes. "Ollie, did I not give you money? Why are you handing out flyers in public dressed like that? Are you doing this on purpose to make people think we mistreat you?" I gripped my water bottle a little tighter. "You give me 1,000 dollars a month. Rent is 800 dollars. How am I supposed to survive if I don't work part-time?" Paige frowned and gave me a hard shove. "You've got a lot of nerve! How dare you talk to Mom like that!" Julia stood next to Reynold, her expression complicated. Ultimately, she spoke, her tone carrying the unmistakable edge of a lecture. "Ollie, you're just being too extreme and sensitive. Reynold's monthly allowance is only 1,000 dollars, too. Whenever it's not enough, he just asks Mrs. Hunt, and she always gives it to him. "You never say anything, so of course she thinks you have enough. You're in the wrong about this. Just apologize to Mrs. Hunt." I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Mom sent Reynold his 1,000 dollars every month right on time, sometimes even early. But with my 1,000 dollars, I had to ask and ask and wait through delay after delay. She would drag it out until the end of the month, then finally send it over like she was doing me a favor. If I really asked for more, would I actually get it? But I knew that there was no point in saying any of this. It would only bring more accusations. They would just call me ungrateful and immature. So I just kept a cold expression and picked up the mascot head again. "Just leave. Don't keep me from my work." As the heavy mascot head settled over me, my vision went instantly dark. The next second, I felt a violent shove against my back. "Don't you dare bully Mom!" The mascot head was heavy, and even a slight bump inside it would hurt. With a shove that hard, I pitched completely forward. My forehead slammed hard against the rigid inner shell of the head, and my vision went black for a second. I leaned against the wall, unable to catch my breath for a long time. Yet, not a single person checked on me. Instead, Mom grabbed Reynold's hand and asked anxiously, "Reynold, does your hand hurt?" Paige was frowning too. "He's wearing such a thick suit. Why bother pushing him? What if you hurt yourself?" Julia cooed at him softly, "Don't worry. No one's blaming you." While they were all crowded around Reynold, I stumbled away. My face was completely soaked. I couldn't tell if they were sweat or tears. By the time I clocked out that evening, my forehead had swollen into a massive lump. Fortunately, it was payday that day. Clutching the 3,000 dollars in cash, I headed to the night market. I wanted to treat myself to a bowl of warm chicken soup and a shaved ice dessert. Just thinking about it made my mouth water, and a faint smile finally slipped onto my face. But the moment I handed over the cash, the vendor grabbed my wrist in a tight grip. He held up the bill, his face twisting in anger. "You look like a decent young man. Why the hell are you up to no good? Where did you get this fake cash?" Chapter 4 I froze at once. My first thought was that the vendor was trying to scam me. But he slapped the bills onto the table, quickly drawing a crowd. Some held them up to the light, and some felt the paper. In the end, they all shook their heads and said, "They're fake." That night, I squatted outside the mall entrance until dawn, clutching a stack of fake cash. The next morning, the moment the bubble tea shop opened, I rushed inside and slammed the fake bills onto the counter. "Why did you trick me? This is fraud! I'm calling the police!" The shop owner didn't even bat an eye. "I didn't prepare this money. Your mom came by yesterday and picked up your wages ahead of time. She left those fake bills with me and said that it was to build your character, so you'd realize that making money isn't that easy." My brain went completely numb. My hands and feet felt frozen as I rode the bus home. The second I burst through the door, my eyes burned with tears. "Did you take my wages?" Instead of looking guilty, Mom looked rather pleased with herself. "Now you know how hard it is to make a living, right? Just remember that we're the ones who care about you the most. When you run into trouble, your first instinct should be to come home to your family. Or you can go to Julia." I shook so hard from rage that the tears wouldn't stop spilling over. Had I not tried looking for them? Had I really not tried? When a group of punks had cornered me in an alley and demanded "protection money", I had hidden inside a convenience store and called them with trembling hands. But Dad only asked, "Why did they target you instead of someone else?" When the apartment ceiling had leaked in the middle of the night, soaking the wallpaper until it fell off in chunks and ruining my desk and practice papers, I had called Mom, begging her to help me find another place. Mom only remarked, "Why must you live in luxury? If you can't handle hardship, how will you ever amount to anything?" When I was running a 102-degree fever right before the SAT, I had called Paige in a daze. She replied, "Reynold is in a bad mood today. It's just a fever. Take some meds and get over it. Stop being so dramatic." And then there was the time I sprained my ankle walking home from a part-time shift. My ankle swelled up so badly that I couldn't even put on my shoe. I had sent Julia dozens of messages. She didn't reply until much later. "Go to a pharmacy and buy some medicine yourself. I'm tutoring Reynold tonight. Stop texting and interrupting us." Where were any of them when I actually needed help? I couldn't hold it in anymore and shouted, "Give me back my money! That's my paycheck! I earned it myself!" Dad's expression turned violently dark. He marched over, grabbed my arm, and began shoving me toward the front door. "Money, money, money! All you do is demand money the second you walk in! "Do you have any idea how much money we spent trying to find you? It's way more than 30 thousand dollars! 3,000 dollars is nothing! I don't think you're smart. You're just calculating! You're completely obsessed with money!" With a loud slam, the door shut right in my face. I turned around, my face drenched in tears. The elevator doors opened right then, and Paige, Julia, and Reynold walked out together. Reynold was holding up a small brooch, wrinkling his nose in complaint. "This tiny thing actually cost 3,000 dollars?" Paige laughed. "As long as you like it, it's worth 30 thousand dollars, let alone 3,000." Julia softly added, "Didn't your mom just give you a 50-thousand-dollar allowance as a reward? It's meant for you to spend. Don't be so reluctant to use it." As I stood in the shadows, my tears flowed even faster. I had worked from dawn till dusk, standing under the scorching sun for eight hours a day in a suffocating mascot suit. But the 3,000 dollars I spent a whole month earning was nothing more than a brooch Reynold bought on a whim. Not wanting them to see me at my absolute lowest, I bolted down the fire stairs. By the time I reached the first floor, my tears had finally run dry. Fortunately, after the SAT score was released, a few parents tracked me down to tutor their kids. I accepted and made one specific request. "Can you wire the pay directly to my account?" Although they were confused, they agreed. After that massive blowout, Mom, Dad, Paige, and Julia all mutually stopped reaching out. And I stopped feeling sad. I just went through the motions, preparing lessons, tutoring, and saving money. The day my acceptance letter arrived, I cooked two dishes for myself. For the first time in a long while, I pulled out the four rag dolls and set them across from me at the table, just like I used to. "Let's consider this my celebration dinner and our last meal together." I looked at their round eyes and smiled softly. "You don't have to keep me company anymore. From now on, I'll walk this path alone." After eating, I cleaned the apartment from top to bottom. Wheeling my suitcase behind me, I left the rented apartment where I had lived alone for a year. I didn't go to Brookmere, but I didn't attend Selvarin as they'd planned, either. Instead, I chose a university much further south, in Glenridge. Right before the train pulled out of the station, the family group chat, which had been silent for weeks, suddenly pinged. Mom posted a photo of Reynold's acceptance letter. "Reynold is going to Brookmere! Ollie, you must have received your acceptance letter to a university in Selvarin by now, right? Let's pick a date for your celebration dinner." Paige immediately followed up. "Stop throwing a tantrum. The whole family needs to be there for the celebration dinner." Julia sent a message. "I'll come pick you up for dinner." I stared at the screen for a long moment, typing nothing. I simply tapped the group settings and left the group chat. Outside the window, the platform began to glide backward slowly. I powered off my phone and leaned back against the seat. From here on out, the world was wide open, and I was never coming back.