Sharing a Car, Losing a Child

As I sign the form to terminate my pregnancy, the doctor asks me for the third time, "You were willing to risk your health to keep this baby. What changed?" I press my hand to my belly. "A bottle of essential oil." Yesterday, the moment I open the car door, a sharp wave of rosemary hits me and sends my morning sickness spiraling. I reach for the window, but Adrian Lockwood grabs my hand. "Don't open it. Sloane loves this scent. She'll be upset if it fades." I freeze. "I'm pregnant. This isn't safe for the baby." He frowns, his voice full of impatience. "Stop being dramatic. You always use the baby as an excuse. It's just essential oil. What's it going to do?" Then he pulls the bottle from the glove compartment, places it right next to my air vent, and cranks the dial higher. "Just tough it out. We're almost home. Sloane can't fall asleep without it." The smell thickens until my eyes sting and my temples throb. I don't say another word. I quietly unbuckle my seatbelt and get out. Adrian never indulges my moods. He leans over, slams the passenger door shut, and drives off. I stare at the ultrasound, at the tiny shadow that already has a heartbeat, and close my eyes. If he doesn't care about me, I don't need him either. Chapter 1 The anesthesia kicked in and my eyelids grew impossibly heavy. Through the haze, my mind drifted back to a rainy night five years ago. Adrian Lockwood had shown up at my apartment door, eyes red-rimmed, and kissed me. It was the first time I'd ever seen him lose his composure. I found out later that Sloane Hartley had broken up with him and accepted someone else's proposal. He'd been drinking all night and crossed half the city to find me. He knew I'd been in love with him for years. He'd always known. After we got together, Adrian was good to me. He remembered my habits, gave me all the romantic gestures you'd expect from a boyfriend, and stayed up all night when I had a fever. I thought he genuinely wanted a fresh start. Then, three months ago, Sloane came back, freshly divorced. Her return hit every crack between Adrian and me. The first time I saw her was the day she arrived. Adrian picked me up from work with a bouquet of chamomile sitting in the passenger seat, and my heart lifted for a moment. Before I could say anything, he spoke first. "We're swinging by the airport to pick up Sloane on the way. She gets really carsick, so sit in the back." I froze, staring at him without moving. His eyes drifted toward the window. "She's just an old friend, and it's on the way. It's not a big deal." I gave a thin smile and climbed into the backseat. The whole drive, Sloane talked openly about how rough the past few years had been for her. Adrian barely said a single word, but his grip on the steering wheel kept tightening. Every time I glanced at the rearview mirror, his expression remained as tense as ever. I knew he felt sorry for her. I dropped my gaze and sat in the back like a stranger sharing a ride. When we pulled up to her building, Adrian got out without saying a single word and carried her bags. Through the car window, I watched her reach up on her tiptoes to brush something off his shoulder. He didn't pull away. The second time was when I found out I was pregnant. I rushed to his office with the test results, excited, only to find Sloane already there. She walked past me on her way out, trailing a heavy scent of rosemary. It was just the two of us then, and I looked at Adrian. "What is she doing here?" "Sloane's the new executive secretary." "Why didn't you tell me?" "It's a normal hire. I didn't see the need to mention it." My voice shook. "She's your ex." Adrian loosened his tie, irritation creeping into his voice. "Iris, when did you get so insecure? Things were complicated back then. Hiring her is proof I've moved past it. "You need to stop reading into everything." Chapter 2 My fingers tightened around the pregnancy report until the paper crumpled in my fist. Sloane had ridden in his passenger seat the day she got back, and now she was sitting in his office. What would come next? His heart was already wavering, and he still blamed me for being paranoid. I forced back the tears and walked out, nearly running into Sloane coming the other way. She didn't even bother hiding the smugness in her voice. "Give it time. He'll come back to me soon enough." Then the lights went out. When I woke up, my belly felt hollow, and something inside my chest felt like it had been carved away. Rain streaked the window, just as it had on the night Adrian showed up at my door five years ago. Only this time, he was already on his way back to her. I braced myself against the wall and made my way slowly out the hospital entrance. Wind cut through my collar and I shivered. The anesthesia had worn off, and dull cramps rolled through my lower abdomen in waves, like the baby's last way of reminding me it had been there. I turned on my phone and messages flooded in. One was from Mom. It read, "Happy birthday, sweetheart." I'd forgotten that it was my birthday. For the past five years, Adrian had always remembered. This was the first year he forgot too. My eyes burned. Then Adrian's name lit up the screen. The moment I picked up, I could hear noise in the background. "It's Sloane's birthday today. Some old friends insisted on getting together, so I can't make it to the prenatal appointment. Be careful getting there on your own." His tone was clipped, like he was trying to sound reluctant. Five years together, and it had taken me until that day to realize that he never meant what he said. I wanted to tell him I'd already ended the pregnancy. But before I could get a single word out, Sloane's voice came through on his end. "Adrian, hurry up. Everyone's waiting for you to cut the cake." The line went dead. The screen dimmed and caught my reflection, as pale as paper. I let out a hollow laugh and slipped the phone into my pocket. On the way home, I passed the bakery Adrian used to take me to. A beautiful strawberry cake sat in the window. I lingered for a second, then kept walking. It was almost dark by the time I got home. I went to the bedroom to pack my things, though calling it "our" bedroom felt like a stretch. The day I found out Sloane was his secretary, we'd had a massive fight, and he moved into the study that same night. I'd been sleeping in the guest room ever since—1,600 square feet split down the middle, with nothing between us but a hallway and everything falling apart. I opened the closet. The clothes inside were divided by season, mine on the left, his on the right. I'd ironed those dress shirts more times than I could count. From the early days of his company to now, I knew which shirt went where. Light blue for business dinners, white for client meetings, gray for late nights at the office, and never a single wrinkle at the collar or cuff. I took my own clothes down, folded them, and packed them into boxes. Everything I owned fit into two suitcases. When I finished, I sat on the couch and stared at three pieces of paper that no longer mattered. They were the prenatal report, the ultrasound, and the termination form I'd signed that morning. I ran my finger across the ultrasound, but it was just paper now. I didn't know how long I sat there before I heard footsteps in the entryway. Instinctively, I flipped the papers over and pressed them facedown on the coffee table. Adrian came in reeking of alcohol and rosemary. He saw me and stopped. "Why are you still up? You're only two months along. You need to be more careful and stop staying up so late." I lowered my eyes and stared at my hands, my nails digging into my palms hard enough to leave a dull ache. He didn't even know how far along I'd been. My baby had been three months along. The termination form had that day's date stamped on it, printed clearly in black and white. But he hadn't even noticed. I suddenly didn't want to say anything at all. He didn't care, and nothing I said would change that. In his world, Sloane's scent was the one that couldn't be allowed to fade. Chapter 3 I was just the replacement who happened to be there when Adrian was at his lowest, someone who would never truly matter to him. I stood up to head back to the bedroom, but he stopped me. "Iris." I paused without turning around. "That project you've been running for the past six months. Hand it over to Sloane." His tone was flat, almost casual. "Take it easy for a while. You shouldn't be pushing yourself so hard." I stood frozen. That project had been mine from the very beginning, from the initial pitch to the negotiations, from the proposal drafts to the execution plan. Every single step had gone through my hands. He knew how many late nights I'd pulled, how many revisions I'd pushed through. Handing the project to Sloane meant handing her everything I'd built. He knew exactly what he was asking, and he'd rather hurt me than tell her no. I turned to look at him. After a long pause, I managed a dry laugh. "Fine." I turned and went upstairs without saying another word. I was leaving anyway. There was no point fighting about it anymore. The next morning, I went to a law firm. Adrian and I had co-founded the company, and I held a 30% stake. Back then, he'd told me, "Iris, you've earned this." There had been light in his eyes when he said it, and I thought that was love. Looking back, that was just what I wanted to believe. The equity transfer agreement wasn't complicated, and I left it in my lawyer's hands. 30% of the company was enough to start over in a new city. After that, all I had left to do was go to the office and resign. I'd barely walked through the door when Adrian called me into his office, his expression dark. A document landed at my feet. "Iris, how could you make a mistake this big? It's a 20-million-dollar contract, but you wrote 200 million. Because of you, the company just took a 180-million-dollar loss." I froze for a second, then pushed past his anger and crouched down to pick up the contract, flipping straight to the last page. The number was right there in black and white. "That's impossible." The company had put serious weight behind this project, and I'd checked that contract more times than I could count. There was no way I'd made that mistake. The version I prepared was correct. I looked up at Sloane, who was standing off to the side. She met my gaze, and the satisfaction in her eyes was impossible to miss. "You did this, didn't you?" "Iris!" Adrian's voice cracked through the room and I went rigid. He stared at me, his brows furrowed. "You made the mistake and now you're blaming someone else?" I closed my eyes and forced myself to stay calm. "This document was already finalized when I handed it off during the transition. There was nothing wrong with it. "And I sent a copy to legal ahead of time. If you don't believe me, ask them to pull up the original version I submitted." Something flickered across Sloane's face, but she recovered almost instantly. Her voice wavered, turning tearful. "Iris, I'm just a secretary. You sent me the contract and I used it as-is. I couldn't have changed it." She let her eyes drift toward Adrian. "Or maybe you just don't want me anywhere near Adrian, so you set me up to take the fall. But you could've just said that. You shouldn't have hurt the company to get at me." The moment the words left her mouth, Adrian turned to me with suspicion already hardening in his eyes. He'd practically convicted me on the spot. "Is that true?" I should have expected this, but my chest still ached. Adrian wasn't the type to jump to conclusions with most people, and he didn't let just anyone's word override his judgment. But Sloane was the exception. He'd believe whatever she said. I closed my eyes, swallowed hard, and steadied my breathing before pointing at the computer. "Then call the police. Have the tech department pull the activity log from my computer. It'll show exactly when that document was modified and by whom." The room went silent. Sloane's fingers tightened around her sleeve, guilt written all over her. I scoffed. Chapter 4 "Too scared to do it?" I pulled out my phone and opened the dial pad. "If you won't, I will." I made a show of tapping the screen, and the sharp sound of a number dialing filled the office. Adrian lunged forward and grabbed my hand. "Don't." I looked up at him. In that split second, his eyes were a mess of panic and something I couldn't quite name. It was like being doused in cold water, sobering and painful all at once. He was afraid that Sloane really had done it. Or maybe he already knew that she had and was afraid of what it would look like if it got out. Yet, he wasn't afraid of letting me take the blame. We stood there locked in silence until Sloane finally moved. She walked up to Adrian and took his hand. "Adrian." Her voice cracked. "It was me." Adrian glanced at me, then pulled his hand back awkwardly. "Sloane, why would you do that?" She dropped her head. Tears dripped onto the dark floor, and her voice broke. "Adrian, I just wanted a fresh start with you, just like before. "I still love you." Then I slapped her as hard as I could. Sloane cupped her cheek and stared at me in disbelief. "Did you just hit me?" I looked at her and coldly said, "You framed me. Why wouldn't I? "You stood before me and told my boyfriend that you love him. You're lucky it was only one." She had nothing to say to that. She glared at me with pure venom and raised her hand to hit me back, but with Adrian standing right there, she stopped herself and looked to him instead. Adrian clearly hadn't recovered. In all the time he'd known me, I'd always been easygoing, agreeable, never once out of control. This was the first time he'd ever seen me push back. He opened his mouth, and when he spoke, his voice had gone soft, almost conciliatory. "Iris, why don't we just let this go? I'll cover the loss personally." "Suit yourself." It had nothing to do with me anymore. I pulled free of his grip and walked out. When I returned, I was carrying a stack of contracts with my freshly printed resignation letter tucked inside. I held them out to him. "Sign these." The shift had been too fast for Adrian to process. His eyes dropped to the papers in my hand, and he picked up a pen and signed everything without reading a single page. Just as I'd expected. All he wanted right now was to put the whole mess behind him, and he wasn't about to scrutinize anything I put in front of him. I exhaled, sent the signed resignation letter to HR, and drove out of the parking lot. I was stopped at a red light when Adrian's name flashed on my phone. I hesitated, then picked up. "You tricked me into signing off on your resignation." It wasn't a question. He already knew. "Yeah." "Over what just happened? I told you I'd take care of it." I almost laughed. "Adrian, in what capacity are you covering for her mistakes?" He was quiet now. "Is it because she still loves you?" Through the phone, I could hear his breathing turn heavy. A long pause stretched between us, and just as I was about to hang up, he spoke. "Believe me. Whatever Sloane and I had is long over." When I didn't respond, urgency bled into his voice. "I've already started planning our wedding." I almost laughed. Five years together and he'd never once said that, not even when he found out I was pregnant. Saying it now was too late. He kept talking. "Iris, we have a child on the way. Nothing has to change." "Adrian." I cut him off, my voice steady. "The baby's gone."