Left Behind at the Crosswalk of Life

I'm just about to cross the street when the pedestrian light starts flashing. I hesitate, unsure whether to make a run for it. Wendy Sherman, my girlfriend, and Sawyer Young, my close friend, have already crossed to the other side. I'm the only one left behind after the pedestrian light changes to red. They reach the other side of the street without looking back at me once. A black car speeds past, splashing mud onto my pant legs before I finally react and take a step back. I have always been a little slow ever since childhood. I'm the last one to finish my meal and the one walking behind everyone else. Wendy and Sawyer worried I would fall behind in my studies, so one explains the questions to me while the other takes notes for me. They eventually end up leaning close together, arguing for the rest of the afternoon about geometric auxiliary lines. I remain sitting beside them, unable to get a word in. They insist on coming along to help me screen places when I go apartment hunting. They both grab a brochure from the real estate agent and walk together, talking about commute times and how much natural light the apartments get. Sawyer casually reaches over and helps Wendy carry her handbag. Wendy glances up at him, smiling and joking as they walk along. I end up as the one constantly trailing behind, watching their backs. That's when I suddenly get it—only people who move at the same pace can cross on the same green light, and the ones moving a beat too slow have to wait for the next light by themselves. I step forward and walk onto the crosswalk as the pedestrian light turns green. If I can't keep pace with them, I'll walk on my own from here on out. Chapter 1 Fabian's POV I had just reached the entrance when I noticed that Wendy Sherman, my girlfriend, and Sawyer Young, my friend, were already looking around the apartment. Wendy looked at me and asked impatiently, "What took you so long, Fabian? Sawyer and I are almost done looking around. If you'd taken any longer, the real estate agent would've called it a day." Sawyer stuck his head out of the kitchen, then quickly went over to Wendy and patted her on the shoulder. "Oh, stop being so hard on Fabian, Wendy. He's always been a slow walker, so you should be a bit more patient with him." I lowered my head and glanced at the mud stains on my pants. "You guys walk too fast." Sawyer laughed it off and pointed toward the balcony outside. "You've made it anyway, so it's no big deal. Do you see that balcony out there? It'd be perfect for growing lisianthus. It'd look great in photos." Wendy looked in the direction he was pointing and chuckled. "It's not easy keeping lisianthus alive, and with your short attention span, they wouldn't last a week. It'd be better to plant mint—at least we can use it to make cocktails." "Who says I can't keep them alive? I'm definitely planting those lisianthus!" "You can do whatever you want—just don't expect me to replant them for you when they wither." Wendy and Sawyer started bickering back and forth. Their tone held a familiar closeness, much like a young couple picking out things for a new home. I was clearly the one renting the apartment and paying for the rent, yet they had already gone over my head, deciding what the balcony would become and even making plans to live here. I stared at the bare concrete space and suddenly lost the desire to plant anything there. I merely felt a bitter sense of neglect surging through my entire being. I remembered once telling Wendy that I could never join in whenever they were talking. Wendy was staring at her phone at that moment, not even bothering to look up. "You're the one who stays quiet and refuses to talk. How is anyone supposed to know what's going on with you, Fabian?" I suddenly took a deep breath and stepped forward. "I think cacti are pretty nice too…" I tried to sound more upbeat, asking, "Do you know why the cactus broke up with its girlfriend?" I paused briefly before continuing, "It's because the relationship was getting too prickly…" I told them a dad joke I had found in an old magazine yesterday, yet the moment I finished, the chatter around me disappeared, leaving only silence. I thought maybe I was too slow to keep up, so even my jokes were out of date. Sawyer was the first to respond after five seconds. He suddenly snorted, breaking the silence. "Your joke just gave me the chills, Fabian—the cringey kind." He then turned to Wendy and said, "It feels even chillier than the time you fell into that snowbank while we were skiing in Islavia, Wendy." Upon hearing that, Wendy's eyes lit up again. "You were the one who dragged me off-piste in the first place. I was the one who eventually had to dig you out of the snow back then!" "Your whole head was covered in so much snow that you looked a decade older back then! You'd better not expect me to marry you if you end up single and old, Wendy!" They laughed completely unabashedly. Wendy had promised me that we'd go see the auroras in Islavia after graduation. She then said we should wait until she had settled into her job before telling me that we should do it when she had some time off. I kept waiting for her, only for her to end up going with Sawyer. "When did you two go to Islavia?" Their laughter came to a sudden halt. Wendy's expression became subdued as she replied indifferently, "Sawyer and I went last winter. You were away on a shoot at the time." I couldn't help but wonder if I just happened to be away on a shoot or if they had deliberately chosen to go while I was gone. Sawyer waved his hand to brush it off. "It's all in the past now, so let's just get back to looking at the apartment." They both tacitly agreed to drop the topic. I couldn't bear to stand there any longer as my mud-soaked pants clung against my skin. "I'm not feeling so well. I'm going to head home first, so we'll discuss the apartment another time." I had just walked out when I heard Wendy's hushed voice coming from behind me. "What's with the attitude now? He's really spoiled rotten." Chapter 2 I returned home alone, put on my slippers, walked over to the bathroom, and used wet wipes to slowly clean off the dried mud stains on my pants. I didn't even notice when the motion-sensor light flickered on and off. I only snapped out of it when the water spilled over the edge of the sink and dripped onto my foot. I slowly reached out to turn off the faucet. I was always a bit slow on the uptake. I wasn't born like that, though. I was seven years old when Wendy had insisted on dragging me out into the rain for two hours just to catch frogs. I had a high fever for the whole day, almost frying my brain. I eventually suffered from delayed reflexes and processing ever since that day. Luna Chadwick, my sister, was so enraged that she wanted to beat Wendy up right there and then. Wendy knelt beside my bed back then, tears streaming down her face. "You can hit me if you want to, Luna! I know it's all my fault! Please don't take Fabian away with you! I swear I'll make it up to him for the rest of my life, and I'll never let him suffer even a bit of hardship, Luna!" I believed her, and Luna believed her, too. That was why Luna took over the overseas business operations, relocated abroad long-term, and left me with Wendy's family. Wendy genuinely looked after me in the very beginning. I had longer hair back then, and when I finished washing my hair and struggled to hold the hair dryer, she'd always take it from me. She'd run her fingers through my hair, keeping the temperature of the hair dryer just right, and say, "It doesn't matter if you're a bit slow, Fabian. I'll always have time to wait for you." Wendy eventually ran out of patience. Just a few days ago, after I finished washing my hair, water dripped onto the floor. She didn't fetch the hair dryer this time, opting to just throw a dry towel over to me. She scowled with a look of annoyance, something she probably didn't even realize herself. "You're already 23 years old, Fabian—not three. Why don't you learn from Sawyer and become more independent? He carried a bucket of water up six flights of stairs by himself the other day and didn't even complain once. "You can't keep relying on me forever. You should go live on your own for a while and learn how to take care of yourself." I realized then that time would eventually wear away all patience and that the person who promised to dedicate the rest of her life to me now felt I was just in her way. It was the reason why I went apartment hunting today. I dried my hands, walked to the couch in the living room, and sat down. I then took my camera out of my bag. It was one of the few things I could take with me, and it was also what I used for my work. I scrolled through the camera and hit the playback button, the screen glowing softly as I looked through the photos one at a time. I was the one who had taken all the photos—the shot was well-framed, and the lighting was spot-on. It was just that the subject of every photo was identical. Wendy and Sawyer were laughing in front of the cafe's floor-to-ceiling window. Wendy and Sawyer were sharing a toast by the campfire at the campsite. Sawyer was casually brushing away the stray hair in front of Wendy's eyes. I noticed there were more than 300 photos on the camera, and I was the person who was always left behind the lens, never appearing in any of them. I never appeared in any of the photos, so naturally there was no place for me in her future either. Wendy didn't return until late afternoon. She tossed her car keys onto the table by the door, the metal making a sharp clinking sound. "What are you even making a fuss about, Fabian?" She walked up to me, her brow furrowed deeply. "Sawyer pulled strings through three different people and ran around for four afternoons just to pick out a place for you. What else could you possibly be unhappy with? "How could you just walk away earlier? Do you realize how embarrassing that was for Sawyer?" I stated slowly, "I have no issue with the place." Wendy asked, "What's with the attitude if you don't have a problem with it? Sawyer practically ran himself ragged trying to help you. He felt so bad after you walked out like that that he spent the whole afternoon blaming himself and skipped his lunch entirely." Wendy actually rushed home to confront me just because Sawyer skipped lunch. I had acute gastroenteritis and was doubled over on the couch from the pain last month, but she only sent me a simple message. "You should just drink plenty of water. I'll be having dinner with a client tonight, so you should order your medicine through delivery yourself." I pressed the delete button and erased every photo on the camera. I then said, "I just feel like he wasn't looking for a place for my sake." Wendy scoffed. "You can't just assume the worst about people, Fabian. You think everyone is like you, staying shut inside all day making a fuss over nothing? I made a reservation for lunch tomorrow. You're going to apologize to him, and we'll put this behind us." I stared at her for a couple of seconds, finding it incredulous that my own girlfriend was blaming me for not being considerate of another man's feelings. "Let's break up, Wendy." Chapter 3 Wendy's expression shifted slightly. She looked stunned before putting on a mocking look. "You want to break up with me? Do you think you can scare me just by saying that, Fabian? How could you possibly live without me, especially with those delayed reflexes of yours?" I stated flatly, "I'm not trying to scare you, Wendy." Wendy turned away and threw her handbag onto the couch. "That's enough, Fabian—stop throwing a fit. I'll send you the details for tomorrow's lunch spot later, so make sure to be there on time." She walked straight into the bathroom without turning around, and before long, the sound of running water echoed from within. She had completely tuned out everything I said through the frosted glass door. I still went to the restaurant the following afternoon. Sawyer had genuinely put a lot of effort into helping me find a place, after all, and my upbringing had dictated that I had to thank him for it. Wendy and Sawyer had already arrived when I pushed open the door to the private room. They were sitting next to each other on one side of the long table, leaning together as they looked at a phone screen, laughing over whatever they were talking about. There was something oddly deliberate about the way three seats were arranged. Wendy and Sawyer sat side by side, their shoulders nearly brushing, while I had no choice but to pull out the single chair across from them, feeling like an out-of-place spectator. "You're finally here, Fabian!" Sawyer instantly flashed a wide grin. "Wendy thought you might still be mad and not show up! What's there to apologize for anyway? We're all friends here! It's no big deal, so just laugh it off and move on!" I merely said, "Thank you." I glanced at the table. Wendy and Sawyer both had iced shaken lemonades sitting in front of them, while the space in front of me was completely empty. Wendy would always order a warm drink for me first whenever we ate together in the past. She knew I had a sensitive stomach and couldn't drink anything cold. She didn't even bother doing that for me at this moment. "I'll go get something to drink." I walked over to the counter and ordered a cup of hot milk. I turned around and walked back toward the private room while they prepared my drink. It was then that a server, carrying a hot casserole dish, came rushing over. "Be careful!" I heard the server's warning, but I was always a bit slow to react. I managed to pull my foot back a little, but the boiling soup had already splashed onto me—more than half the contents landed on my lower leg and the top of my foot. I instantly felt a sharp pain searing my skin, leaving my mind completely blank as I stood there paralyzed. Just then, Wendy and Sawyer stepped out as the private room door opened. She didn't rush over to help me. She snickered instead. "When are you ever going to fix those delayed reflexes of yours, Fabian? How do you not know to get out of the way when someone that big is walking toward you?" Sawyer stood beside her and laughed along. "You're way too slow, Fabian. If that had been me, I would've dodged it right away. Your reflexes are slower than a sloth's!" Wendy chimed in, saying, "If he was half as quick as you are, I wouldn't have to worry about him all the time." In the meantime, a horrifying red swelling began to spread across my leg as a searing pain spread through me, as if drilling deep into my bones. I suddenly recalled what happened during high school. I fell during PE and scraped my knee. It was only a small wound, and there wasn't much blood, but Wendy got to me faster than the teacher did, helped me up, and lectured me in the infirmary. "You can't even take a few steps without getting yourself hurt. What would you do if I weren't around?" Wendy was shaking so much back then that she could barely hold onto the cotton swab. Sawyer patted my shoulder back then, too, telling me he'd keep an eye on me whenever I went for a run. Yet, at this moment, as they looked at the blisters forming on my leg, they just found my clumsiness hilarious. I looked up, meeting their gaze. "Is this funny to you?" Wendy's smile faltered slightly. "It was just a joke. Is it really necessary to make such a big deal out of it?" Sawyer chimed in from the side, saying, "I was just trying to ease the atmosphere, Fabian, so please don't take it the wrong way. I've burned myself while cooking before too. I just put some ointment on it, and it was good to go. It's really not a huge deal, Fabian." Wendy sounded completely impatient. "Did you hear that, Fabian? Go to the restroom and run some cold water over it—don't just stand there like an eyesore." I took a cab to the hospital by myself, and after getting my wound treated, I sent a message to Luna. "Does the offer you made earlier about me helping you out at Losenia still stand, Luna?" Luna replied almost instantly. "Of course, it does. I've even set aside a room for you, Fabian. Did Wendy give you a hard time?" I sniffled and replied, "I just suddenly realized how much I missed you, Luna…" Chapter 4 I returned to the apartment and packed my luggage. I suddenly noticed that the dry box that had been sitting in the corner for years was now empty. It held the keepsake Mom left me—a long-out-of-print roll of Kodak film that marked the start of my dream as a photographer. Wendy opened the door, her brow furrowing deeply when she noticed my calf wrapped in bandages. "What's going on here? Why are you wrapped up like that?" She reached out and pinched my ankle gently. "You should pay more attention when you walk next time. I'll accompany you to Islavia to watch the auroras with you once things slow down for me at work, so quit sulking all the time like the world owes you a favor." I pulled my leg away and asked, "What did you do with my film roll?" Wendy froze for a moment, then stood up and fished a dented metal casing out of her pocket. "You treated it like such a treasure that Sawyer and I decided to hide it from you. "You see, the plan was to give it back as a surprise after you got all anxious searching for it. It turns out that the roll of film was way too old. Sawyer accidentally snapped the film when he took it out for a look." I opened the lid with trembling hands and noticed that the film had been pulled out entirely, overexposing it, and even snapped in two in the middle. It was the last bit of visual memory Mom had left behind for me. I used to take it out and look at it over and over again whenever I couldn't sleep at night, reliving those memories and missing her endlessly. I could hear the tremor in my voice as I asked, "Do you know how precious this is to me, Wendy?" "I know, but Sawyer didn't do it on purpose," Wendy replied as she pulled two brand-new, discontinued rolls of film from the bottom of her shopping bag and pushed them toward me. "How can a roll of film matter more than Sawyer and me anyway? I spent a lot of money getting two new rolls to make it up to you, Fabian." I instantly raised my hand and slapped her hard across the face. Wendy's head was knocked sideways by the impact. She was completely stunned by my action. I accidentally misplaced a lens cap that was worth only a few dozen dollars when I was 17 years old, but Wendy actually took a flashlight and combed through the whole school field just to find it. She said, "If it belongs to you, then even the smallest thing matters, Fabian." Yet, at this moment, Wendy had personally destroyed the very thing I cherished the most. Wendy slowly turned to look at me and grabbed my wrist. "Have you lost your mind, Fabian?" She then firmly pulled me into her embrace. I bellowed, "Let go of me!" Wendy tightened her arms around me, wrapping me in a tight embrace. "Please just cut it out already, Fabian! That roll of film is already a thing in the past! You have to move on from it! Do you get it, Fabian?" I stopped struggling and simply let her hug me. I was crying so hard that my tears completely soaked her clothes. I was well aware that I should move on from the things in the past—including Wendy herself. I didn't make a sound as I cried, tears involuntarily streaming down my face. I cried until there were no more tears left and until the pain in my chest finally subsided. Wendy kept stroking my back throughout the whole situation. She gradually released me once she noticed that I had relaxed. She then said softly, "You still have me by your side, Fabian." I ignored her, turned away, and walked into the bedroom to pack my luggage. Wendy came after me and asked coldly, "What are you doing, Fabian?" "I'm packing my belongings." "You're pulling the 'running away' act again?" "You said I should learn to be independent like Sawyer, so I'm moving into the new apartment tomorrow." Wendy hesitated slightly; after all, she had been the one who told me to move out in the first place. She remained silent for a moment before saying, "I'll sleep with you tonight, then. It's going to be the last night we're spending together, after all." It had been quite a while since we last slept in the same bed. Wendy claimed my sleeping habits were too different and that my tossing and turning at night would affect her work the next day. She said, "You need to learn how to be independent, Fabian. You can't act like a child who needs someone beside him just to fall asleep." I eventually moved into the guest room and slept there for the next six months. I didn't object to her suggestion, so later that night, Wendy reached from behind and wrapped her arms around my waist. I lay awake in the darkness, looking at the neon lights beyond the floor-to-ceiling window. "Are you really going to be happy if I truly learned how to stand on my own, Wendy?" Wendy replied without hesitation, sounding completely at ease. "Of course, Fabian. I'd be more than happy." She still tightened her arms around my waist after saying that, though. I got dressed the following morning and wheeled my suitcase over to the foyer. Wendy threw on her coat, walked up to me, and reached for my suitcase. "I'll help you with the moving, Fabian." She hadn't even reached the handle when the phone in her pocket started ringing. Sawyer was the one calling, sounding extremely thrilled. "I managed to get two tickets for the sci-fi movie that's premiering today, Wendy! Hurry and come watch it with me!" That was the movie we had planned to watch together three months ago. Wendy glanced at me before accepting Sawyer's invitation. She then hurried out the door after hanging up. "You can just take a cab and move in on your own first, Fabian. I'll watch the movie with Sawyer and bring him over to your new apartment later." "Got it." I took the cab to the airport once Wendy left. I called Luna while I was on the way, saying, "Remember to come pick me up at the airport, Luna." Luna's amused voice came from the other end of the line. "You have nothing to worry about, Fabian. Have I ever forgotten anything when it came to you?"