Not Your Replacement, Not Your Spare

While we're shopping for college supplies, my younger brother, Reuben Whitaker, picks up a limited-edition gaming bedding set and grins at Mom. She doesn't even glance at the price before putting it in the cart. When it's my turn, I barely pick up a charcoal-gray bedding set when my older sister, Cheryl Whitaker, frowns. "Garrett, why do you always choose such gloomy colors? You need to be more upbeat like Reuben," she scolds. My childhood friend, Phoebe Thorpe, smiles as well. "No one at the dorm knows you anyway, so buying something new will be a waste," she says. Reuben glances at the sheets in my hands and quietly suggests, "Garrett, why don't you use my old set? You never cared about things like that anyway." Mom immediately nods in agreement. "Garrett, you don't need new sheets. Besides, putting two sons through college isn't easy." My grip slowly tightens around the set. I remember Reuben's old bedding. The corners are covered in pills, and the fabric is stained with soda he spills during his late-night gaming sessions. It has always been this way. I get the designer sneakers he no longer wants, the backpacks he's grown tired of, and the bedroom he doesn't like. If I don't complain or fight him for anything, my turn will eventually come. At least that's what I think. But even after 18 years, their only response is, "You never cared about things like that anyway." At the register, I watch Mom pay for Reuben's things one by one before casually tossing my charcoal-gray sheets back onto the shelf. It's then that my lips curl into a smile. As it turns out, no one has ever bothered to remember what I like. I pick up the charcoal-gray sheets again. This time, I won't put them back. Chapter 1 "Garrett, why are you so determined to pay for it yourself?" My sister, Cheryl Whitaker, reached over and stopped me just as I was about to pay with my card. "There's nothing wrong with Reuben's old bedding. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?" she questioned. I calmly moved her hand aside and said, "If there's nothing wrong with it, then Reuben can take it to school. I'll pay for this charcoal-gray set myself. I won't use the family's money." A beep sounded as the payment went through. Cheryl froze for a moment, while Mom's expression immediately hardened. "Why do you have to be so ungrateful? Reuben was only trying to save you money by giving his old bedding to you. And instead of appreciating it, you're standing here acting like everyone's treating you unfairly." My younger brother, Reuben Whitaker, tugged on Mom's sleeve, his eyes already beginning to redden. "Mom, don't be mad at Garrett. It's my fault. I shouldn't have had such a hard time letting him have the new set." Phoebe Thorpe walked over and casually took the heavy shopping bag from Reuben's hand. "Garrett, they're just sheets. Is this really worth making everyone upset over?" she asked. I looked at the girl I'd grown up with, the same girl who had once promised that she would always take care of me. I couldn't remember exactly when things had started to change, but somewhere along the way, all the attention and affection she once gave me had shifted to Reuben instead. I picked up the bag containing my new bedding and said evenly, "I'm not making a scene. I just want a clean set of sheets." Ignoring their displeased expressions, I turned and walked out of the store. Phoebe drove us home. Out of habit, I headed toward the passenger seat, but just as my hand reached the door handle, Cheryl caught my arm from behind. "Garrett, sit in the back. Reuben gets carsick, so let him sit up front." I paused and glanced at Reuben, who had one hand pressed against his chest as though he were already feeling sick. But I distinctly remembered that on the way to the store, he had spent the entire trip sitting in the back with Mom, laughing and chatting as if nothing was wrong. He had even played a game on his phone long enough to win a round. Just then, Phoebe rolled down the window. "Garrett, just sit in the back. There's more room back there anyway, and you can get some sleep on the way home." I didn't argue. I pulled my hand away and opened the rear door. Alas, the back seat was anything but spacious. Cheryl, Mom, and I were crammed together, leaving me wedged into the corner by the window as my shoulder pressed against the door. As the streetlights flickered past outside, my thoughts drifted back to seventh grade, when I had ranked first in the entire school. I'd run home that day clutching a perfect test paper, convinced that Mom would finally praise me for doing well. Instead, Reuben came down with a slight fever. The entire family spent the night gathered around his bed, fussing over him. My test paper was tossed onto the coffee table without a second glance, and by the next morning, Cheryl was using it as a placemat for a takeout pizza box. After that, I started carefully managing my grades so that I only scored two or three points higher than Reuben. At the time, I'd believed that if I stopped standing out and became just as ordinary as he was, maybe my parents would finally have enough attention left to spare some for me. But I was wrong. Some people could be given everything, and it still wouldn't make them care. As soon as we arrived home, Mom busied herself in the kitchen. Before long, dinner was already waiting on the table. Mom placed Reuben's favorite food onto his plate. "Have some more, Reuben. Once you leave for school, you won't get to have my cooking whenever you want." Cheryl picked out the most tender rib, carefully removed the bone, and added the meat to his plate as well. "If you don't like the food at Norwell University, just call me. I'll order something and have it sent over," she offered. Phoebe sat across from Reuben and smiled as she served him a bowl of stew. "I work over there, so I know all the good restaurants around Norwell University. I'll take you out somewhere nice on the weekends." The four of them laughed and talked together so naturally that, from the outside, they might have looked like a picture-perfect family. I lowered my head and quietly ate the pea salad in front of me. After dinner, I returned to my tiny bedroom, which had been converted from a storage room. I pulled open the bottom drawer, where an official admissions packet from Jeston University lay inside. The envelope was plain and formal, with the university crest and my name printed across the front. Inside was my acceptance letter. Chapter 2 Lying on top of my admissions packet was a photocopy of Reuben's acceptance letter from Norwell University. Move-in day for both schools was coming. I picked up the photocopy, crumpled it into a ball, and tossed it into the trash. The next day was Saturday, and my family held a college send-off party at home. By early morning, the living room was already packed with relatives who had come to congratulate Reuben. "Reuben, that's amazing. Norwell is such a prestigious school. You're officially a college student now." "Patrick's one lucky man. His son's handsome and smart." Compliments came from every corner of the room. Mom couldn't stop smiling as she led Reuben around to greet everyone. Dressed in a brand-new designer suit, he looked every bit like the golden child everyone doted on. Aunt Mathilde was munching on pretzels when she suddenly glanced over at me, sitting alone in the corner. "How did Garrett do?" she asked. The living room went quiet for a moment. Mom's smile stiffened before she waved the question away. "Garrett got into Norwell, too. His grades are usually pretty average, so he did better than expected this time. It actually worked out perfectly. The boys will be at the same school, and Garrett can help look after Reuben." Aunt Mathilde nodded. "That makes sense. Garrett's always been dependable. He's exactly the kind of older brother Reuben needs." I sat in an armchair with my head lowered, quietly drinking a glass of water without correcting either of them. For my final college entrance exam, I'd stopped deliberately holding myself back. I finished the test half an hour early and worked through every major problem as thoroughly as I could, giving each one the strongest solution possible. When the scores came out, the entire family crowded around the computer to check Reuben's results. The moment they saw that he'd scored just high enough to get into Norwell University, everyone erupted in celebration. Cheryl even popped a bottle of champagne. Not one of them asked what I'd scored. Rather than ruin their excitement, I'd later made a copy of Reuben's acceptance letter and left it on my desk. They hadn't even bothered to look at it closely. They simply assumed that Norwell was the best school I could have gotten into, just like Reuben. Halfway through the party, Phoebe opened the door and walked in carrying two beautifully wrapped gift boxes. "Phoebe, you're here! Come in and sit down," Mom greeted her warmly. Phoebe went straight to Reuben and handed him one of the boxes, which bore the logo of a luxury brand. "Congratulations on getting into college, Reuben." His face lit up as he opened it. Inside was an expensive custom mechanical watch. The silver face caught the light with a sleek metallic gleam. It was an understated piece yet unmistakably luxurious. "Wow, this is awesome! Thanks, Phoebe!" Reuben immediately put it on and proudly showed it off to everyone. Cheryl gave Phoebe a knowing look. "Phoebe, that watch couldn't have been cheap. You really went all out." Phoebe smiled. "As long as Reuben likes it, that's all that matters." Then, she turned and walked over to me, holding out the smaller box. "Garrett, this one's for you." I set down my glass and accepted it. The packaging was cheap and plain, without even a sticker keeping the box closed. When I opened it, I found an ordinary mystery figurine from a collection that had been popular two years ago. "I passed a collectible toy store and saw this," Phoebe said casually. "I remembered that you used to like these trinkets." I stared at the plastic figurine. She had remembered wrong. Reuben was the one who liked mystery collectibles. Two years ago, he'd bought an entire case in an attempt to get the rare Chase figure. Once he'd opened every box, he left all the figurines scattered across the floor, and I'd simply picked them up and put them away for him. Somehow, Phoebe had seen that and decided I was the one who liked them. "Thanks," I said calmly as I set the box back on the table. Phoebe seemed dissatisfied with my lack of enthusiasm, and her brows drew together slightly. "Garrett, are you upset because Reuben's gift was more expensive?" she questioned. "You've always been the mature one. Don't start keeping score over something this trivial." I looked up at her self-righteous expression. "I'm not keeping score. In fact, I don't care what kind of gift I get from you." Phoebe froze for a moment, apparently caught off guard by my response. In the past, whenever she showed even the slightest favoritism toward Reuben, I would fall silent for hours before retreating to my room and dealing with the disappointment alone. Once the party ended, the relatives gradually headed home, leaving me behind to clean up the mess. Phoebe helped Reuben carry all his expensive gifts to his room while I took a stack of greasy plates into the kitchen. As I passed the trash can, I stopped. I picked up the unopened mystery figurine and tossed it. It landed with a soft thud among the leftover food and dirty napkins. Without looking back, I walked straight out of the kitchen. Chapter 3 That evening, everyone started packing for college. Three enormous pieces of custom designer luggage lay open across the living room floor while Mom filled them with stacks of brand-new clothes. "Reuben, make sure you bring this winter coat. Norwell gets cold. And take these snacks with you. If you get hungry at night, you can share them with your roommates," she said. Cheryl was crouched on the floor, carefully applying a screen protector to the new tablet she'd bought him. "Reuben, I already loaded it with games and movies. You'll have something to do whenever orientation gets boring." Reuben sat on the couch swinging his legs, beaming. "Thanks, guys." I stepped around his three oversized suitcases and returned to my tiny room. From under the bed, I pulled out an old gray suitcase I'd used back when I lived in the dorms during high school. The wheels had started sticking with age and squeaked every time I dragged it across the floor. I opened my closet and folded a few faded T-shirts and pairs of jeans before placing them inside. The new charcoal-gray bedding I'd bought the day before went at the bottom. Finally, I pulled out my Jeston University acceptance letter. I carefully tucked it inside my journal and placed both in the backpack I would keep with me. There wasn't much else to pack. Even after I finished, the suitcase wasn't half full. I had just zipped it shut when Phoebe pushed open the door and walked in. Her gaze immediately fell on my half-empty and worn-out suitcase. "Is that all you're taking?" she asked. "Yeah." I didn't look up. She walked toward me and spoke as though everything had already been settled. "I'm driving Reuben to Norwell at eight tomorrow morning. He gets carsick, so we can't crowd the car. With your mom and dad coming, there won't be any room left." She paused for a moment, apparently trying to soften what came next. "Since you're barely bringing anything, just take an intercity bus to school. You've always been independent, so getting there alone won't be a problem, right?" My hand stilled on the zipper as I lifted my head and quietly looked at her. Phoebe and I had met when we were eight. That year, Cheryl bought the last limited-edition Transformer at the toy store and gave it to Reuben. I'd gone outside afterward and sat alone in a corner of the yard, staring into space. Phoebe found me there and handed me a piece of candy. Then, with all the seriousness an eight-year-old could muster, she said, "If no one else takes your side, I will." For ten years, I'd held on to that childish promise as the one bright spot in an otherwise lonely childhood. Now, it felt like nothing more than a joke. Norwell University was only a two-hour drive from home. Going by bus meant taking a long detour and making three separate transfers, which would turn a short trip into one that took most of the day. Even so, Phoebe had no problem sending me through all of that alone just so Reuben could have a more comfortable ride. In the past, I would've been hurt. I would've asked how she could so easily forget the promise she'd made all those years ago. Now, all I felt was relief. At least she wasn't insisting that I ride with them. "Okay," I said. Phoebe froze at my response. She had prepared an entire speech to placate me, only to find that there was nothing left for her to say. After studying my calm expression for a moment, she added, "Reuben's never been this far from home before. He's always needed a little more looking after, so he really can't manage without someone there." I finished zipping my backpack and slung it on the back of the chair. "No need to explain. I understand," I told her. "Good. I'm glad." Phoebe studied me for another moment before finally relaxing and leaving the room. "Reuben, I already put your travel pillow in the car!" Her voice echoed from the living room, warm and gentle once again. I closed the door behind her, shutting out the laughter and chatter from the rest of the house. Then, I reached for my phone and opened the train app. I'd booked a seat on the 7:00 am train to Jeston the next morning. Once the confirmation appeared on my screen, I turned off my phone and lay down on the hard bed, closing my eyes. It was my last night in that house. Chapter 4 At 6:30 am the next morning, dawn was just beginning to break when I pulled my old suitcase out of the house, its worn wheels squeaking behind me. The living room was completely silent. Everyone had stayed up until late the night before helping Reuben finish packing, so they were probably still asleep. I didn't leave a note or say goodbye. After taking a taxi to the train station, I made it just in time to board. I settled into a window seat, and as the train slowly pulled away, the scenery outside began blurring past. Little by little, the city I'd called home for 18 years disappeared behind me. I pulled out my phone and turned it on. The screen had barely lit up before a flood of messages started coming through. Most of them were from our family group chat—One Happy Family. Mom had posted a photo of Reuben sitting in the passenger seat of Phoebe's car. He was smiling brightly at the camera and flashing a peace sign. Mom wrote, "Garrett, are you on the bus yet? When you get to Norwell University, go to Reuben's dorm first and help him make his bed. He's always been terrible with fitted sheets." Then, Cheryl sent a voice message. "Garrett, stop by the dining hall when you get there and pick up something for Reuben. He probably won't have much of an appetite after the drive, so get him something light, maybe some stew. And don't take forever." I stared at the messages, every one of them phrased as though my cooperation were a given, and a humorless smile tugged at my lips. As far as they were concerned, I wasn't going to college for an education. I was going there to be Reuben's full-time caretaker. I didn't bother replying. I simply muted the group chat and put my phone away. Two hours later, messages from Phoebe popped up. "Garrett, where are you?" "We're already at Norwell University. Reuben has way too much luggage for us to carry, so hurry over and help." "Don't start sulking and ignoring your phone again. It's scorching out here. Are you seriously going to leave Reuben standing in the heat until he gets sick?" Her messages came in one after another. I could almost picture the self-righteous expression on Phoebe's face. She was probably convinced that things would play out the way they always had. No matter how hurt or frustrated I was, as long as she told me what to do, I'd do it. I turned away from the screen and looked out the window. The train had begun to slow, and a pleasant voice came over the speaker to announce that we would soon be arriving at Jeston Station. I clicked on my conversation with Phoebe and typed a brief reply. "I'm not at Norwell." Her response came almost instantly. "What are you pulling now? If you're not at Norwell, where are you?" "Garrett, I'm warning you. It's move-in day, so don't upset everyone." I smiled. Instead of answering, I clicked on her contact and blocked her. Cheryl was next, followed by Mom and Dad. Once I'd blocked every one of them, I removed the old SIM card from my phone, snapped it in half, and dropped the pieces into the trash bag beside my seat. From that moment on, the Garrett Whitaker who had spent years waiting around for scraps of their affection was gone. I stepped out of the station with my suitcase in tow. The September sun in Jeston was bright enough to make me squint. After taking a deep breath, I hailed a cab and climbed inside. "Jeston University, please." The taxi merged into traffic as unfamiliar streets passed outside the window. I tightened my grip on the backpack holding my acceptance letter. After 18 years, I could finally live as myself.