Kneeling for a Child He Already Had

In our third year of trying for a baby, Gideon Tarrant insisted that I go to the snowy peaks of the Kestrel Range to pray for a child. "The old folks say that if a wife climbs Hallow Peak and kneels to pray every three steps, heaven will send her a baby." Because of that, I faced the blizzard in the bitter subzero cold and knelt my way up from the foot of the mountain. When I was nearly at the summit, the smartwatch on my wrist suddenly buzzed. The health app showed that Gideon's heart rate was spiking. Right after that, a video synced automatically to our family cloud album. In a delivery room, Gideon was cutting the umbilical cord with red-rimmed eyes. The woman in the bed was my best friend, Amanda Crowley. Six months earlier, she had come to me in tears and told me she was pregnant and unmarried. My heart went out to her, so I sent her 80,000 dollars. She did not accept it. She only sent back one line: [Hazel, thank you for giving me the best of everything.] I thought she meant all the ways I had looked after her over the years. At this moment, as I watched the video, I saw that the people gathered around her bed were my own family. My father was holding the baby, tears of joy running down his weathered face. My mother sat at the bedside, her eyes full of tenderness. "Just focus on getting your strength back. We'll make sure Hazel doesn't find out." My brother went even further and pressed a thick envelope of cash into Gideon's hand. "Gideon, once Hazel's prayed that blessing down for Mandy, we'll have her clear out and make room for our big boy!" My husband, Gideon, held Amanda's hand tightly and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. "This time, I'm never going to let you or the baby get hurt again." I lifted my head stiffly and looked up at the prayer ribbon tied to the branch above me. Gideon had written the wish on it himself. It read: [May my beloved be kept safe.] It turned out I was never a part of the beloved he had been praying for. Chapter 1 I knelt on the stone steps less than a hundred yards from the summit. My knees had gone numb long ago. In the family cloud album, the video was still playing. In the delivery room, Gideon Tarrant cradled the baby, his face full of a tenderness I had never once seen from him. Mom was blowing on spoonfuls of chicken soup to cool them. Dad had the baby in his arms and refused to hand him over. My brother, Jordan Dunbar, laughed beside them. "He's got Gideon's nose. He's one of us, no question about it." Everyone in that frame had a place. Everyone except me. A moment later, a dozen or so more photos synced to the cloud album. There was the baby's hospital bracelet, the birth registration form, and the first video Gideon had recorded while holding the baby. The registration form spelled it all out. Under father, it said Gideon Tarrant. Under mother, it said Amanda Crowley. The baby's name was Oscar Tarrant. They had even picked out a name. Meanwhile, I was still taking pills and getting injections every day. I had cried and asked Gideon if I was never going to be a mother. He held me tight and said, "Hazel, it's okay. Baby or no baby, I love you." Looking back now, it was not that he did not care about having a child. He just did not want me to be the one to have it. My phone suddenly rang. It was Mom. "Hazel, have you reached the top yet?" I could faintly hear a baby crying behind her. I did not call her out. "Almost." "Then hurry up. After the climb, you still have to fast for three days, and not a single day less. You haven't gotten pregnant in three years. If you don't try harder, Gideon's going to get sick of you sooner or later." The wind drove snow into my mouth, and my teeth chattered. "Mom, my knees are bleeding." She was silent for half a second before she answered impatiently. "So what if you bleed a little? Some women risk their lives to have a baby. If you can't even handle this much, how do you expect to be a mother?" In the video, she was gently tucking the blanket around Amanda. With Amanda, she could not bear to let her suffer the slightest bit. With me, all she ever said was to put up with it. I asked quietly, "What if I can never have a baby?" "Then be sensible and stop dragging Gideon down." She said it without a second thought, then hung up. Not far away, the ribbon Gideon had hung on the prayer tree himself snapped and fluttered in the wind. On the front, it read: [May my beloved be kept safe.] I staggered to my feet and tore the ribbon down. It caught on the branches and ripped open, revealing the words on the back. [May Mandy have a smooth delivery, and may mother and child both be safe and well.] It was dated one month earlier. That was the day Gideon told me he had made a special trip up the mountain ahead of me to pray for a child on my behalf. I had been so moved that I stayed up all night, and I even posted about it on social media. Amanda had commented under the post: [Hazel, you're so lucky.] I clutched the ribbon and suddenly laughed out loud. It turned out Gideon had not tricked me into kneeling my way up this mountain to pray for a child of my own. He had made me, his wife, kneel at every step to pray for the child he had with his mistress. I let go. The wind swept the ribbon over the edge of the cliff, and it vanished into the snowstorm. Right then, a message from Gideon came in: [Hang in there, for our baby.] I stared at it for a long time before I replied with a single word: [Okay.] That had not come from forgiveness. It was a promise I was making to myself. Whatever they owed me, I would take back, piece by piece. Chapter 2 On the way down the mountain, I fell three times. The last time, my knee slammed into a rock, and blood soaked through my pant leg in an instant. The rescue team wanted to carry me down on a stretcher, but I kept a death grip on my phone. The cloud album was linked to the tablet at home. Gideon was so caught up in the joy of becoming a father for the first time that he never noticed every file was syncing over. I kept scrolling. In one video, Mom sat at the dining table, filling a pill bottle labeled folic acid with small white tablets. Dad asked beside her, "Hazel's periods have been getting more and more irregular lately. What if a doctor figures it out?" Mom rolled her eyes at him. "Dr. Pike's already been taken care of. He'll just tell her it's a hormonal imbalance. Mandy hasn't given the Tarrants their first grandson yet. How could we let Hazel get pregnant first?" Amanda's voice came from off camera. "Mrs. Dunbar, maybe we should just stop. Hazel's been through so much trying to get pregnant." Mom comforted her right away. "You're just too kind. Gideon promised you his first child would be yours. If she actually got pregnant, where would that leave you?" Gideon cut in with a flat voice, "Keep giving them to her. Hazel trusts you. She won't suspect a thing." The video ended abruptly. I stared at the screen, my ears ringing. The so-called folic acid was something Mom brought over herself every month. She said it was an imported supplement she had gotten through a friend, and that missing even a single day would hurt my chances of conceiving. The doctor treating me, Dr. Samuel Pike, had been her recommendation as well. He said I had a hormonal imbalance and a thin uterine lining. He said I could not stop the medication, and I certainly could not switch doctors, or all my previous treatment would go to waste. I believed him. Over those three years, I had taken hundreds of doses of herbal remedies and gone through three rounds of ovulation stimulation. The worst of it was when fluid built up in my abdomen and I had to be hospitalized, my belly so swollen that I looked five months pregnant. Gideon had only stayed for ten minutes. He had said something came up at work. Yet that same day, Amanda posted a photo of two movie tickets. At the edge of the picture was a man's wrist, and on it was the watch I had given Gideon. I kept scrolling and found a pharmacy order. The medication was not folic acid. It was birth control pills, 36 boxes in a single order. It was being shipped to Mom, and Gideon was paying for it. At the very bottom was a voice message. Amanda asked, "What if Hazel never gets pregnant and completely falls apart?" Jordan sounded like he could not care less. "Then we send her overseas for IVF and drag it out for a year or so. Once you and the baby are part of the Tarrant family, we'll tell her the truth." Dad sighed. "She's still our daughter." Mom sneered, "So what if she is? Mandy's been with Gideon all these years without a ring or anything to show for it. Isn't it only fair that Hazel suffers a little?" It turned out I had never been unable to get pregnant. The husband and family I trusted most had been working together to make sure I never would. They had watched me fail pregnancy test after pregnancy test. They had watched me cry in secret, but not one of them had softened. When I reached the foot of the mountain, Gideon video called me. There was a white wall behind him. "Hazel, are you done kneeling?" The camera shook slightly, and I caught sight of a maternity ward sign on the wall and the pink tumbler on Amanda's bedside table. I had given it to her. "I'm done," I said softly. "That's my girl. Now fast for three days, and when the time's up, I'll send the driver to pick you up." The moment he finished speaking, the baby started crying. Gideon's expression stiffened, and he quickly covered the microphone. "What was that?" I asked, knowing full well. "A coworker's kid. He's giving everyone a headache." Off camera, Amanda's voice came through, sweet and coaxing. "Hurry and hold him. He only wants you." The call ended in a rush. A few seconds later, he sent an explanation. [My coworker's wife just had a baby. It's total chaos here.] I did not reply. While a nurse cut away the pant leg that had dried to my wound, I called my lawyer, Joanna Prentiss. "Joanna, it's about the trust my great-aunt left me. I've decided to accept it." She sounded a little surprised. "I thought you didn't want to?" I looked out the window at the snowstorm. "I didn't want it before. I do now." Chapter 3 I did not wait for the driver. As soon as my wounds were bandaged, I caught an overnight flight home. At 2:00 am, I dragged my luggage back to the home Gideon and I had shared since our wedding. The fingerprint lock would not accept my print. Gideon had deleted it. I had bought this house before we were married, and I had paid for the renovations too. Now, I could not even get into my own home. It was not until building management let me in that I saw the living room piled high with baby supplies. My study had been turned into a nursery. On the pale blue wall hung three letters, G, A, and B, for Gideon, Amanda, and Baby. It looked like the room of a happy little family of three. My books, my trophies, and the photo album my grandmother had left me had all been stuffed into cardboard boxes and tossed into the storage room. I opened the album. When I was 16, Amanda hugged me and said, "Hazel, we're going to be sisters for life." Her parents divorced that year, and she had nowhere to go. I was the one who brought her home and gave her half of my room. Later, when she could not afford college, my family paid for it. Now, she had taken my husband, my home, and even my parents. Footsteps suddenly sounded outside the door. I hid in the storage room. Mom and Jordan walked in. Mom was carrying a bag of baby clothes. "Mandy says the baby's jaundice levels are high, and she can't stop crying over it. She just gave birth. All that stress isn't good for her." Jordan tossed his keys onto the table. "Gideon says once Hazel's back, he's sending her overseas for IVF. We drag it out for a year or so, and once the baby's a little older, we get her to sign the divorce papers." Mom sighed. "She's still our daughter. When the time comes, let's give her a little extra money." They had already planned out the rest of my life. Once Amanda was settled in as Mrs. Tarrant, they would throw me out like trash. My phone suddenly vibrated. Mom heard it and started toward the storage room. Just as her hand closed around the doorknob, Jordan's phone rang. "What? The baby has to be moved to the NICU?" The color drained from both their faces, and they hurried out. Only after the door closed did I realize I had been holding my breath the whole time. Half an hour later, I had packed up three cardboard boxes. After ten years of love, this was all that was mine in the end. Just before dawn, Gideon sent a message: [There's a blizzard at the bottom of the mountain, and the driver can't get up there. Focus on your fast. I'll come get you in three days.] I replied: [Okay. I'll be waiting.] That morning, Joanna rushed over with the paperwork. It was not until I was signing that I learned my great-aunt had left me more than an old family house. She had also left me a controlling stake in Skyhaven Hotel Group. Once I had signed, Joanna handed me an event approval form. "There's a baby welcome party at Skyhaven tonight. The deposit came from your personal account from before your marriage. The manager sent this over to confirm." The form listed Oscar Tarrant as the guest of honor, with Gideon Tarrant as the father and Amanda Crowley as the mother. They were using my money to throw a party for his illegitimate son at my own hotel. That afternoon, the manager called. "Ms. Dunbar, Mr. Tarrant has asked us to change the digital screen to read 'Welcome Party for Oscar Tarrant, Beloved Son of Gideon Tarrant and Amanda Crowley.' Should I approve it?" "Approve it." "They've also prepared a video about their love story." "Play that too." I looked over the evidence I had put together and added quietly, "Save the biggest screen for me." Chapter 4 The welcome party was in full swing. Gideon had invited friends and relatives from both families, along with every business partner of Tarrant Corp. On the security feed, I watched him stand at the entrance with the baby in his arms while Amanda, in a red dress, nestled against his side. The giant screen in the ballroom was looping photos of the two of them, from the day they met in college to their trips together, the pregnancy, and the birth. Anyone who did not know better would have assumed they were the couple who had loved each other for years. As for me, I had become the other woman standing in the way of their love. When someone asked whether Gideon was already married, Mom immediately sighed. "Don't get me started. Hazel's been stubborn since she was little. She knew full well Gideon was in love with Mandy, and she still wouldn't leave him alone." Dad chimed in to explain. "Gideon's softhearted, and he felt he owed our family. That's the only reason he stayed married to her for three years." Jordan scoffed. "She's been hogging the title of Mrs. Tarrant long enough. It's time she handed it over to someone who actually deserves it." The people around them nodded along. Some cursed me for clinging to a man who did not want me, while others praised Amanda for being so patient and gracious. My own parents vouched for the story, my brother embellished it, and my husband let every word of it stand. That was how I, the one who had been betrayed, became the homewrecker everyone wanted to tear apart. Before the party began, Gideon called. "Hazel, is it cold up on the mountain?" I stood outside the ballroom and could hear his voice through the door. "It's cold." "Then bundle up. Don't go wandering off, or everything you've been through will be for nothing." I looked down at the gauze wrapped around my knees. "Gideon, do you really want me to have a baby?" He was silent for a few seconds before his tone turned cold. "What's this about now? I haven't held it against you all these years. What more do you want?" He had conspired with everyone to feed me birth control for three years and put me through hell. In the end, he made it sound like he had been doing me a favor. "Nothing," I said softly. "Enjoy your night." Inside the ballroom, the host invited the family onstage for a photo. Gideon stood in the middle with the baby in his arms. Amanda held onto his arm, and my parents stood beside her. Once again, I was nowhere in the picture. The host asked if the two of them had anything they wanted to say. Amanda's eyes reddened slightly. "I've always believed that when two people truly love each other, they'll end up together no matter who stands in their way." The room broke into applause. "Mrs. Tarrant has been through so much!" "Now that's what a real wife looks like." Gideon did not correct them. Instead, he took her hand. "I'm sorry for everything you've had to put up with all these years." Mom wiped away tears beside them. "Today, your family is finally together. No one is ever tearing you apart again." I pushed the door open. The ballroom fell silent at once. I was still wearing the down jacket I had worn coming back from the mountain, and thick gauze was wrapped around my knees. The smile froze on Gideon's face. Amanda instinctively pulled the baby closer to her chest. Mom rushed over. "What are you doing back? Aren't you supposed to be fasting up on the mountain for three days?" She did not ask about my injuries. She only glanced anxiously at Amanda. Dad's expression darkened. "Everyone here tonight is somebody important. Don't embarrass us." Jordan planted himself in front of Amanda and warned me in a low voice. "Mandy just had a baby. She can't handle this kind of stress. If you want to throw a fit, get lost and do it at home." They were standing on my turf, holding my husband's illegitimate son, and telling me to get lost. Gideon reached out for me. "Hazel, let me explain." I stepped away from him and looked at the gold bracelet on the baby's wrist. "A coworker's kid?" I asked. Gideon went pale. Amanda suddenly burst into tears. "Hazel, I'm sorry, but Gideon and I are the ones who truly love each other. You've kept him trapped for three years. Isn't that enough?" Mom immediately shielded her. "That's enough!" She raised her hand and slapped me. The crack of it rang through the ballroom. "Mandy has barely recovered from giving birth. Are you trying to drive her into the grave?" My face burned, but I did not cry. I picked up the remote and pressed the button. Every screen around the room went black at once. I wiped the blood from the corner of my mouth and looked at Gideon, then at Amanda, who was sheltered behind my parents. "This welcome party is over. Now it's my turn to give you all a gift."