Never Jump For Him Again

For the holiday weekend, our tight-knit group of five planned a getaway to Mount Rainier. I hadn’t wanted to go. The area is famous for its dizzying cliffside boardwalks, and I have a paralyzing fear of heights. Yet three days before we were set to leave, I overheard my boyfriend, Theo, talking to my best friend, Bridget, out on the balcony. "She’s been hinting at marriage for months," Bridget’s voice had drifted through the screen door. "Are you sure you want to do it on your three-year anniversary?" "That’s the day," Theo replied, quiet and deliberate. "Right at the halfway lookout, when the sea of fog rolls over the valley. It’s breathtaking." That night, buried beneath my duvet with my phone’s brightness turned all the way down, I scrolled through dresses until dawn, searching for the perfect outfit to get engaged in. On day one, they complained I was walking too slow. The four of them piled into the last shuttle bus and sped away, leaving me behind with a pack loaded with five people’s water bottles. I trudged two miles alone up the trail. On day two, they could only secure four scenic tram passes. Theo casually turned to me. "You’re afraid of heights anyway. The hike up will do you good." I climbed over four thousand stone steps entirely on my own, my lungs burning, yet I wasn’t angry. Because the next day was our three-year anniversary. Sure enough, when we reached the mid-mountain lookout that afternoon, Bridget stepped behind me and covered my eyes. "Close your eyes, June," she whispered, breathless with excitement. "We set up a surprise for you." I felt the heavy click of a safety harness latching around my chest. She started a playful countdown: "Three, two, one..." The silk blindfold slipped from my face. My stomach plummeted straight through my shoes. I wasn't standing in front of a ring or a bouquet of roses. I was perched on the sheer, metal grate of an open-air bungee platform. Below me lay an endless, vertical drop into the mist. Before my lungs could draw enough air to scream, a heavy boot slammed into my back. A hard shove. The granite cliff, the gray sky, the serrated canopy of pine trees—everything spun in a violent, dizzying kaleidoscope. Terror seized my throat so violently I couldn't even cry out. When I finally opened my eyes, I was lying flat on a weathered wooden park bench. The four of them were doubled over, howling with laughter. Bridget held out an open palm toward Theo. "Venmo me. I won. Told you the second you mentioned a proposal, she’d fall for it hook, line, and sinker." Theo leaned over and flicked my forehead, grinning. "Come on, June. Anniversaries happen every year. A golden chance to prank you like this? Once in a blue moon." I stared at their wide, unbothered smiles, and a chilling clarity washed over me. This supposed five-person clique was a circle of four. I had never been on the inside; I was just the outsider they kept around to punch down on. … After regaining consciousness, I gripped the armrest of the bench and dry-heaved until my ribs ached. Every time I closed my eyes, the abyss, the jagged rock faces, and the spinning gray sky replayed behind my eyelids. A park ranger hurried over, his brow furrowed with concern. "She blacked out for several seconds. You folks need to take her down to urgent care." The laughter finally died down. My older brother, Lucas, crouched beside me and reached to help me up, but I flinched, shrinking back instinctively. Theo frowned, looking down at me. "Are you seriously that rattled?" I lifted my gaze. "What do you think, Theo?" Bridget offered me a tissue, her tone turning slightly sheepish. "June, honestly, I had no clue you’d faint. Okay, yeah, maybe we pushed it too far today." Finn turned off his GoPro, sliding it into his pocket. "Alright, look, I deleted the footage. We were just messing around. Don’t take it to heart." Lucas patted my shoulder with fraternal dismissal. "You had the harness on, June. Nobody was trying to get you hurt. Wrap it up, okay?" I looked at their faces. So this was an apology. Because the bungee cord hadn’t snapped, because I was breathing, in their eyes, almost killing me remained nothing more than an overzealous practical joke. At the mountain clinic, the physician noted raw abrasions on both of my wrists and deep, blossoming purple hematomas across my ribs where the harness had violently wrenched me back. As we stepped out of the clinic, Theo caught my arm. "June, look." He unzipped a hidden pouch in his pack and produced a small black velvet box. He flipped it open. My breath caught in my throat. There was a ring. A clean-cut diamond set in platinum, the inner band engraved with our initials. Theo lowered his voice, softening. "The proposal is real. I ordered the ring a month ago. I was going to give it to you tonight when the fog settles over the valley." It turned out Bridget had discovered his plan and suggested they "tease" me first. Finn had jumped on board with a bet, wagering whether I’d grit my teeth and climb the mountain just to get a ring. Nobody had factored in that sheer terror would shut down my nervous system. Bridget looped her arm through mine. "Come on, Junie. I promise, no more cliff pranks." Finn chimed in with a grin. "He showed you the rock, didn't he? Still mad?" Lucas nudged me lightly. "Consider this an IOU from all of us. Wipe that look off your face." Theo didn’t slip the ring onto my finger. He just patted my hair. "We won't do it today. Once you’re in a better mood, I’ll make it up to you and do it right." Staring at the ring, the tight, suffocating knot in my chest loosened just a fraction. They had crossed a line, deeply. But Theo’s intention to marry me was real. Years of history and shared memories made it impossible for me to sever everything over a cruel joke. Seeing that I was no longer protesting, their easy camaraderie instantly reasserted itself. Finn shoved his heavy camera into my chest. "Hold this for a sec." Lucas immediately draped his damp fleece jacket over my arm. Bridget walked a few paces ahead, then stopped, holding out her designer mini-backpack. "June, carry this for me? The harness really bruised my collarbone earlier." I looked down at the faint, pink flush on her shoulder, then thought of the jagged purple bruises covering my own torso. I didn't reach for the strap. Bridget blinked, caught off guard. "What's wrong?" Lucas glanced back over his shoulder. "It’s just a bag, June. She got banged up today too." Theo cast an impatient look in my direction and casually slung Bridget's bag over my shoulder himself. "Just carry it for a bit. It’s light." The weight bore down on my bruised collarbone. I stood frozen. The four of them were already strolling toward the scenic overlook. Finn glanced back, seeing me buried under their coats and gear, and laughed. "Quartermaster June! Hustle up, the clouds are clearing!" Bridget giggled. "June’s always our most dependable girl." I said nothing. I just followed behind them. At the overlook, they thrust their phones into my hands to take photos. Bridget complained that the first angle made her legs look stubby, the second made her face look round, forcing me to retake the shot over a dozen times. My sprained, scraped wrists throbbed relentlessly until my hands began to tremble under the weight of the phone. Theo finally noticed. "Tired?" I nodded slightly. He walked over, and for a fleeting second, I thought he was going to take the phone from me. Instead, he simply reached out and rubbed my sore wrist with his thumb. "Just hang in there a little longer. Let them finish, and then it’s our turn." And pathetically, my heart softened again. Because the ring was in his bag. Because he promised that tonight belonged to us. Yet as twilight settled, a sudden, heavy mist swallowed the summit. Park rangers began ushering hikers down the trail for safety. Theo glanced up at the brooding sky and zipped the velvet box back into his pack. "Not tonight. We'll do it once we’re back in town." Finn chuckled. "What’s the rush? She’s already yours anyway." They bantered and laughed all the way down the trail. I walked at the very rear, looking at Bridget's bag weighing down my shoulder, then at Theo’s pack carrying the promise of our future. In the end, I quickened my pace to keep up. I told myself: "He wants to build a life with me. These minor indignities aren’t worth throwing that away." I didn’t know then that once you make a habit of excusing people for hurting you, they make a habit of hurting you without a second thought. The next afternoon, we headed out to the wooded valley behind the cabins to see the fireflies. Before leaving, Theo glanced at the bruises peeking above my waistband. "Stay close to me today. If you hurt, stop. Don’t try to be brave." I nodded. Halfway up the wooded path, Bridget suddenly vanished. Finn dialed her cell three times, but it went straight to voicemail. Lucas's face darkened instantly. "She said she wanted to get photos by the creek. Did she go off-trail alone?" The three men moved to scatter and search. I moved to follow, but Theo grabbed my arm. "You were terrified yesterday. It’s getting pitch black out here—don’t go wandering around." He guided me beneath an ancient, sprawling cedar tree by the main trail. "Wait right here. I’ll stay with you." Lucas shouted from the tree line. "Theo! You know these trails better than anyone. Get over here!" Theo hesitated, torn. I clutched his sleeve. "You said you’d stay with me." He stared at me for two long seconds, then peeled my fingers off his arm, one by one. "Bridget’s out there alone, June. I have to go." "Stay put. Don’t make us have to find two people. The second we find her, we’re coming straight back." With that, he draped his windbreaker over my shoulders and plunged into the darkened woods. I stood beneath the cedar, watching the twilight bleed into an oppressive, ink-black night. Six o'clock. Nobody returned. Seven o'clock. A biting mountain wind began to howl through the boughs. Seven-thirty, the rain started. I texted Theo. No reply. The downpour grew violent, water punching through the thick canopy above. Huddled against the trunk, my jeans were quickly soaked through, and the raw abrasions on my wrists stung savagely against the icy deluge. It was past eight when I finally dialed his number, my hands shaking uncontrollably. It rang for a long time before connecting. The background was loud. People were laughing, and a television was blaring. I froze, bewildered. "Where are you?" The noise on Theo’s end abruptly vanished. Then came his hesitant, guarded voice. "At the cabin." I thought the wind had distorted his words. "You’re already back?" I heard Finn let out a startled curse in the background. Then Lucas’s voice faintly cut in: "Shit, June’s still on the mountain!" In that single second, I was too numb to feel anger. It wasn't that Bridget was lost in the storm. They had found her and gone home long ago. Not one of them had remembered the girl waiting beneath the cedar tree. Theo hurried to explain: "Bridget scraped her leg pretty badly when we found her. We had to rush her back to clean it up." "We’ve been dealing with her cuts and icing her ankle... June, it slipped our minds." I gripped the phone tightly. "Then come get me." Silence hung on the line. Lucas spoke up first. "June, the rain is too heavy right now. Driving back up the mountain road isn't safe." Finn chimed in over speakerphone: "Pull up your GPS and follow the paved road down. It’s super close, maybe twenty minutes tops." Finally, Theo’s low, placating tone returned. "Be a good girl, June. Walk slow. I’ll wait on the porch for you." I hung up. Rain streamed down my face, warm at first, then freezing. The trek back to the cabin took me nearly an hour. I lost my footing on the slick mud once, crashing down hard on the gravel. My knee split open, and freezing slurry filled my sneakers. When I pushed open the cabin door, the four of them were huddled around Bridget on the sofa, admiring photos on a laptop. She had already showered, dressed in clean, dry loungewear, her hair softly blow-dried. Lucas had brewed her hot ginger tea. Finn was grinning at the screen. "This shot is unreal, Bridge. You look straight out of an indie film." Bridget giggled, urging him to drop it into the group chat. I stood in the entryway, drenched to the bone, wet hair plastered across my pale cheeks, mud splattered to my thighs. They all turned simultaneously. Theo stood up, but before he could take a step, Finn whipped out his phone. "Don't move!" A flash seared my vision. I raised a muddy arm to block my face. Finn burst into uncontrollable laughter. "Holy shit, this one's gold too!" Moments later, a ping echoed from my soaked pocket. Two photos appeared in our group chat of five. The first was Bridget, ethereal among the glow of fireflies, captioned: "Natural-born movie star." Beneath it was me: drenched, bruised, shivering in the doorway with mud caked on my skin. Finn had stamped large, bold letters across the center: "CAVEWOMAN EMERGES." Lucas was the first to drop a string of laughing emojis. Bridget followed with three covering-face icons. Even Theo chuckled softly before he caught himself. I stared down at the screen, my voice hollow. "Delete it." Finn still didn't sense the ice in the room. "Come on, it’s funny! It’s just us in the chat." Theo finally saw the deadness in my eyes and nudged Finn’s shins with his foot. "Drop it, Finn. Delete it. She’s had a rough night." Not because it was cruel. Not because it was wrong. Just because "I was in a bad mood." Later that night, Theo knelt by the bed, dabbing antiseptic onto my torn knee. He kept his head down, murmuring, "We really just got overwhelmed today, June." "Bridget was missing for two hours. When we found her bleeding, everyone was panicked." The sting of the iodine made me wince and pull back. He instantly softened his touch. "I won't let it happen again." I said nothing. Back then, my heart was still sickeningly adept at building bridges for the people who burned me. The following evening, another deluge battered the mountain. Chilled from the rain the night before, a fever began creeping through my veins. The gash on my knee had turned an angry, inflamed red. I wanted nothing more than to sleep. I had just stepped out of the bathroom when Bridget knocked, clutching her pillow to her chest. "June, my ceiling is leaking." The property manager told us the lodge was completely booked; the only vacant space left was a drafty basement utility bedroom with a broken heating unit. Lucas surveyed the master suite Theo and I shared and spoke without hesitation. "Your suite is the largest. Let Bridget take this bed." Finn grinned playfully. "It's just for one night. Can you two lovebirds survive being apart for eight hours?" I looked at Theo. I expected him to at least look at me, to ask how I felt. Instead, he scooped his fleece jacket off the armchair. "Fine. June, you can take the basement room." I stood there, stunned. "Me?" "Bridget’s terrified of thunderstorms, and that basement room is freezing. How is she supposed to sleep down there?" Right on cue, a crack of thunder shook the windowpanes. Bridget flinched, shrinking into herself. Lucas immediately guided her into our room, murmuring comforts. Seeing me unmoving, Theo’s brows knitted together. "Don't throw a tantrum right now, June. It’s just for one night." The words caught in my throat, turning to ash. This was the suite Theo and I had booked together. And yet, I was the one being evicted. The basement room sat at the end of a cold, concrete corridor. The walls smelled of damp mildew, and the wall unit blew nothing but tepid, dusty air. Theo walked me to the threshold. "Get some sleep. Once Bridget calms down and falls asleep, I’ll come down." I looked at him under the harsh, bare bulb. "You need to stay with her too?" His tone was matter-of-fact, almost patronizing. "You think your brother and Finn know how to comfort a crying girl?" He pulled the door shut, leaving me in the cold. By eleven o'clock, violent shivers wracked my body. My thermometer read 102°F. I texted Theo. No answer. By midnight, the fever climbed to 102.7°F. I called him three times. He finally picked up on the third try. Laughter erupted in the background over the sound of the TV. "What's up?" he asked. "I have a fever." A brief pause. Suddenly, Bridget let out a sharp squeal on his end. Another clap of thunder had rattled the roof. Theo immediately murmured soft reassurances to her before returning to the line: "The fever reducers are up in our room. Come up and grab some." Dizzy, the floor tilting beneath my feet, I dragged myself up the stairwell, leaning against the cold drywall for support. The door to our suite stood wide open. Bridget was wrapped in my favorite fleece throw, wearing Theo’s oversized flannel. Lucas was gently blow-drying her hair. Finn was sitting cross-legged, playing Mario Kart with her. Theo sat right beside her, blowing steam off a fresh mug of herbal tea. Seeing me in the doorway, he merely gestured toward the nightstand with his chin. "Tylenol’s right there. Help yourself." I didn't move toward the pills. "Aren't you coming back down?" Theo frowned, his patience thinning. "Bridget was terrified by the lightning, June. I'm keeping her company for a bit." Bridget piped up, looking terribly guilty. "Theo, maybe you should just go with June." Theo gently placed a hand on her shoulder to settle her. "Don't worry about it. She’ll take the medicine and sleep it off." Standing on that threshold, shivering in my oversized shirt, I felt entirely superfluous—a ghost haunting someone else’s warm life. I picked up the blister pack of pills and walked back down the stairs alone. In the dead of night, when my fever spiked dangerously to 103.6°F, it was the night clerk who brought me a thermos of boiling water and a cooling compress. Theo never came down. He didn't open the basement door until eight the next morning. Seeing me curled tightly beneath the thin, damp blanket, the first words out of his mouth were: "You still haven't broken the fever?" I stared at him through heavy, burning eyes. He had completely forgotten his promise to return. When I offered no reply, he merely brushed the back of his hand against my forehead. "Get up and pack your things. We're heading down the mountain early this afternoon." Outside in the hall, Bridget called out his name, asking about breakfast. Theo answered her instantly and turned on his heel to leave. I didn't call after him. In that quiet, frozen moment, a realization settled deep into my bones: Perhaps that long-awaited proposal didn't matter at all anymore. To a man who could completely forget you while you were burning through a dangerous fever, what difference did a diamond ring make? That afternoon, torrential rain triggered a mudslide warning. Boulders were tumbling down the northern slopes, threatening to wipe out the access roads. Park officials issued an immediate, mandatory evacuation for all visitors. My fever hadn't broken; dark spots swam across my vision as I stood in the queue. A paramedic took my vitals. "A hundred and two point four, and this knee laceration is severely infected." He snapped a red wristband onto my left arm. "Medical priority. You’re on the first evacuation transport. Sit down and do not walk." I looked down at the bright crimson band. For the first time in days, someone acknowledged that my pain was real. But right before boarding, Bridget slipped on the wet concrete steps. Her ankle twisted with a sickening pop, swelling rapidly. She burst into hysterical tears. Lucas was the first to lunge forward, catching her in his arms. Finn dropped to his knees to inspect her leg. Theo stepped in and lifted her directly onto his back. A ranger examined her ankle. "Looks like a bad sprain. She shouldn't put weight on it, but it's not life-threatening. She can take the second bus." Bridget shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. "It’s fine... you guys go ahead with June. I can wait." Lucas's face darkened instantly. "You can't even stand, Bridget! How can you wait?" Finn panicked. "What if the road washes out completely? We can't leave her sitting here!" A cold dread pooled in my stomach. The next second, Theo carried Bridget straight over to me. "June, give the red band to Bridget." I froze. "What?" "She can't walk," he said firmly. "You can still stand." I looked at him, breathless with disbelief. "My temperature is over a hundred and two." "I know." "My knee is infected." Theo’s brow furrowed with irritation. "It's just a fever, June. Her ankle is completely wrecked—she physically cannot walk." For the first time in three years, I didn't step back. I clamped my right hand tightly over the red wristband. "The medic gave this to me. I'm not giving it up." Lucas looked at me with open disgust. "June, are you seriously picking a fight over a bus seat right now?" Finn pleaded, "You've always had a stronger immune system than Bridget. What's the big deal about waiting for the next bus?" A bitter, hysterical laugh caught in my chest. Even a high fever and an open infection were dismissed as nothing, simply because I was "stronger." I took a step back, my voice shaking with fury. "I said no." Theo stared at me for two cold, silent seconds. Without a word, he shifted Bridget into Lucas’s arms. Then, he reached out and clamped his hand around my bruised, raw wrist. I struggled violently. "Theo! Let go of me!" He didn't answer. With a brutal yank, he ripped the adhesive of the red band apart. The friction tore across my open sores, a sharp flare of agony turning my vision black. The next moment, the red band that was meant to save me was fastened securely around Bridget’s wrist. Theo turned back to me, his voice tight and stern. "Stop throwing a fit! You can wait." Those three words plunged into my chest like an ice pick. The first transport doors opened. Theo carried Bridget up the steps. Lucas climbed aboard right beside her, hovering. Finn hauled her luggage onto the rack. The ranger leaned out, shouting through the downpour that someone should stay behind with me. Not one of the three men moved. Just before the bus doors hissed shut, Theo finally looked back through the rain. "June, the visitor center is manned. Wait inside for the next shuttle." The doors slammed shut. All four of them, safely inside. Leaving only me behind. I watched the red taillights vanish into the driving rain until my eyes burned too much to cry. Thirty minutes later, a dull, deafening roar ripped through the mountain. The entire visitor center shuddered on its foundation. A ranger burst through the emergency doors, screaming through a megaphone: "Debris flow! The main access road is completely washed out! All remaining guests, shelter in place! Await search and rescue!" There would be no second shuttle. My fever raged higher, turning the world into a blur of heat and shadow. My phone battery flashed red: twelve percent. I opened our five-person group chat. They were busy checking in on Bridget's ankle at the valley hospital. Lucas texted: "If the doctor presses too hard, tell him to be gentler." Finn chimed in: "Don't put any weight on it, Bridge." Theo’s message followed: "Don't be scared. I'm right here with you." Not one person had asked if I made it onto a shuttle. I stared at those lines of text for a long, quiet moment. Then, I tagged Theo in the chat. "We’re done." A beat later, I typed one final sentence. "The four of you have a wonderful life together." I tapped "Leave Group." The screen went silent. I slid down the damp wall until I hit the floor. Outside, the rain fell in solid sheets, threatening to drown the entire mountain. Before darkness swallowed my consciousness, I heard someone shout in terror from the doorway: "The north ridge gave way!" Down in the valley, Theo was pulling out his phone to call me. Before he could dial, a blaring emergency alert flashed across Lucas's screen. "URGENT: Secondary mudslide confirmed on the north slope of Mount Rainier." "The primary visitor center evacuation staging area has been partially buried." In an instant, the color drained entirely from all four of their faces. Because that. That was the exact place they had left me behind.