Most Afraid of Not Being in Love at The Right Time

  The only thing that remained unchanged was his always timely response. The scene in front of my eyes became blurry and distorted. I suppressed my bitterness and went to look for his dialog box. But among all the work and personal chat boxes, my name had long been pushed to the bottom.  I struggled to find it and opened it, but the screen was full of messages with no one responding, which finally made me burst into tears. [Letha: I made chicken soup today. Would you like to come back and have some?] [Letha: When will you be back? What do you want to eat tonight?] [Letha: It's getting cold, keep warm outside.] It turned out that the relationship was one-sided on my part from the beginning to the end. Like a moth to a flame. I and Richie met at a university lecture, where he gave a speech as an outstanding student.  A white shirt and light-colored jeans easily outlined his extraordinary temperament.  Elegant and superior facial features sparkled brightly under the spotlight, easily winning the hearts of many girls, including me. From then on, I began to pursue Richie boldly. I got up early to deliver food and deliberately created chance encounters to inquire about Richie's class schedule. I tried my best to do everything I could think of, but he was like an iceberg that could not be melted. It was not until that time that I accidentally learned that Richie was interning in the hospital and I bought some fruit to visit him. Unexpectedly, as soon as I arrived at the hospital, I encountered a medical dispute. The reason was that a patient developed an immune rejection reaction after undergoing a heart transplant operation and eventually died despite failed rescue efforts.  The patient's family members were extreme in their belief that the doctor had deliberately harmed him. They rushed into the hospital with a kitchen knife and wanted to kill the doctor who was performing the operation. Richie was pushed to the front in the chaos.  Seeing that the kitchen knife was about to chop him, I did not think twice, threw away the fruit and rushed over. The kitchen knife hit my back and my eyes went dark due to the pain. Before I passed out, I saw that Richie, who was usually indifferent, changed his expression. “Letha!” “I…." I wanted to smile at him, but soon lost consciousness. By the time I regained consciousness, it was already the afternoon of the next day.  Richie was standing by my bed, with a faint stubble on his chin and wrinkled clothes, looking in an indescribable state. Complex emotions flashing in his dark eyes. After a moment, he suddenly held my hand. “Letha, let's be together.” I looked up in astonishment. The unbearable pain in my back disappeared instantly. It was as if fireworks exploded in my mind, making me dizzy. As a result, Richie and I became boyfriend and girlfriend, but we did not become closer. Most of the time, he was busy with various academic papers and internships. I was by his side, preparing everything for him. As long as I could get a look from him occasionally, I would be happy for a long time. Sometimes I would feel unsatisfied, but I would quickly suppress the emotion. After all, Richie had always been like that, cold and calm, indifferent to everything. But it was not until a month ago that I realized that he just did not care. No matter how calm and steady Richie was, he had fought and raced cars for that girl and resisted everything for her.  In the end, when he was powerless, he even struggled by committing suicide. What was funny was that I spent countless days and nights caressing the wound with heartache, secretly wondering what desperate thing he must have encountered that made him act without hesitation. It turned out that it was for the lover in his heart that he loved but could not have.  

  A bitter feeling welled up in my nose. Suddenly, my hands were empty. I turned around and saw Richie looking at me with a cold face. “Who allowed you to touch my phone without permission?” I felt a slight pain in my heart. I pursed her lips and suddenly had an impulse, “I'm your girlfriend, can't I even look at your phone?” Richie looked impatient, “There is some confidential information in it, which cannot be disclosed at will.” “Are you hiding something from me?” My questioning made Richie's expression pause slightly. “That's enough. If you have time to guess here, why don't you go out for a walk?” He suddenly said angrily, “I'm very busy. I do not have time to play detective games with you.” “I have something to do tonight, so I won't go back to my room to sleep.” After Richie finished speaking, he left quickly. My heart trembled and he reflexively followed out to explain. But when I was about to reach the door of the study, I suddenly stopped.  Through the crack in the door, I saw Richie sitting at the desk, looking at his mobile phone intently, with a faint smile on his eyes and eyebrows. This smile turned into a sharp blade, piercing into my chest, causing me to tremble with pain. It turned out that he could also smile so gently, but the object was someone else. ... I returned to the room and sent a WhatsApp message to Richie, [5.] That was not the first time I had sent out a number. It started with ‘100,’ and then the number decreased with every disappointment and hurt I felt. Richie asked me what I meant and I smiled and leaned on his shoulder, saying half-truthfully. “I will remember every time you hurt me, Richie. When you have used up all your chances, I promise that the Letha who loves you will be gone. Since I do not want you anymore.” Richie did not believe it and thought I was talking nonsense again. After all, I loved him to my core, so how could I leave? On the other side, Richie looked at the number that suddenly popped up, his eyes full of annoyance. He casually set the dialog box to not disturb and never opened it again. ** The next day, I got up early, changed into a smoky pink halter dress, a white knitted cardigan and put on some light makeup to cover my slightly haggard face. While preparing breakfast, Richie also got up and went downstairs. Perhaps because of the quarrel last night, he did not say a word and just sat at the table to eat. Apart from the occasional sound of dishes and chopsticks colliding, there was only endless silence on the table. The sound of a cell phone notification broke the silence. Richie glanced at it casually and a smile suddenly broke out on his gentle face. He picked up his coat and prepared to leave. I asked anxiously, “Where are you going?” Richie glanced sideways, my brows revealing the most common annoyance I had recently. “Of course I'm going to the hospital to work. Can you stop asking nonsense questions?” He left after saying that. Only me was left sitting at the table, staring at the table full of food in a trance. Not long ago, when Richie returned home, he was in a rare good mood and proposed to take me to ride a hot air balloon and said that he had already switched shifts with his colleagues. After hearing that, I was overjoyed and made various plans early, just waiting for that day's trip. Unfortunately, it seemed to be just a casual promise on his part and he did not take it to heart. Just like our relationship. Silent silence surrounded me from all directions. I sat there for an unknown amount of time, my gaze slowly falling on a shelf nearby.

  There was the invitation letter from the orchestra and the documents I needed to apply for a visa to work abroad. I stood up and went out with the information. I thought it was time to let go and fulfill my wish. The visa process was simpler than I thought and it was all done in less than half a day. On the way back, a friend request popped up on my phone. The avatar looked familiar, a kitten with flowers on its head and the verification message came with a note, “Tiffany.” The two photos in Richie's WhatsApp flashed through my mind. I tapped her fingertips and accepted the friend request. But there was no rush to send the message, as if it was just added casually, or like a silent show-off of the winner, which made me feel embarrassed. I lowered my eyes and accidentally discovered that there was an update in my social media. I realized something and clicked on it. Sure enough, I saw that Tiffany had posted a photo in her recent updates. A caption read, [Today is a fairy tale world.]  In the accompanying picture, the protagonist was smiling brightly at the camera, with countless hot air balloons floating in the air behind her and a man with his back to the camera. Even through the screen, I could still recognize that it was Richie, the one who should have been in the hospital. I stared at the familiar figure for a long time, tears streaming down my face. I clenched my phone so tightly that my fingertips turned white. It turned out that Richie had not forgotten that day's appointment, he just had someone else to fulfill his promise to. My heart seemed to be unable to bear the burden and emitted a sharp beeping sound, which reached my mind and made me not know what to do.  In the end, she opened her profile in a self-mutilating manner and scrolled through it frantically. Finally, I saw the day Tiffany returned to the US a month ago. She was wearing a moon-white dress, holding a bright rose and standing next to Richie. The photo had the caption that read, [Someone insisted on picking me up, so I had to be merciful and give him this honor.] The memory was suddenly pulled back to that day, when I had a fever because I went to deliver documents to him in the rain.  I called Richie in distress, wanting him to come back and accompany me, but he scolded me, “Don't be pretentious.” It turned out that it was not that I was being pretentious, but that I did not deserve it. Not wanting to cry out loud, I took a deep breath, trying to suppress the sob in his throat and sent a number to Richie: [4.] I still did not receive a reply on my phone until I got home. I guessed Richie wass busy accompanying that girl on the hot air balloon ride. I sat tiredly on the sofa, looking at the cute pillow beside me, the doll ornaments on the coffee table and the childlike and warm decorations in every corner. At first, I disliked that house because it was too rigid and felt like a hotel that one could leave at any time. So, I pestered Richie for a few days before he finally gave in. But then, the home I had decorated with great anticipation seemed to be gone. I found a cardboard box and slowly put the things he had bought into it. He would figure out how to deal with them when the time came. After cleaning up, I looked at those things with regret. Each and every one of them was carefully selected by me, but unfortunately Richie did not like them, nor did the owners who bought them. Suddenly the entrance door opened. It was Richie coming back. He looked at what was in my hand, frowned slightly and then said in a light tone, “If you want to clean up, remember not to touch my things.” As I heard that, I Found it ridiculous. His first reaction was to ask me not to touch his things.  

I said, “Don't worry, I know myself.” I had never touched it before and I would never touch it in the future. Richie did not hear anything unusual, nor did he care what I was doing. He went into the study as usual and did not come out for the whole night. I stared at the closed door in a daze and laughed at myself.  Richie could not even bear to sleep in the same room with me again. ** In the next few days, I was preparing to go abroad and had no time to pay attention to Richie. Until that afternoon, when I had completed the resignation procedures and was leaving the orchestra, I received a call from Richie’s good friend, “Letha, Richie is drunk and it's useless for any of us to persuade him. Do you think you can come over when you are free?” On the phone, the other party's voice was helpless. I was a little surprised. Richie said that drinking would affect the operation, so he rarely drank. Why did he drink suddenly? But I did not delve into it further. I asked for the address of the party and took a taxi to go there to find him. As I arrived at the place, the party was almost over.  The strong smell of alcohol mixed with cigarettes hit me in the face. I coughed lightly twice and saw Richie at a glance. The lights were dim. He was wearing a white shirt and looked handsome and elegant.  Perhaps he had drunk some wine, as he was resting on the sofa with his eyes closed, holding a petite girl in his arms. Tiffany was wearing a light blue dress and leaning against someone shyly. As the lights turned, she looked up at me, a hint of subtle provocation flashing in her delicate eyes, just like the faint smell of perfume on her body. It had the sweet scent of gardenia, the same scent as the perfume that I had taken time off from work to buy that day. Tiffany's lips curled up slightly. She gently pushed Richie and her soft voice made people feel pity in their hearts, “Richie, your fiancée is here.” Richie did not even raise his head and chuckled, “What fiancée? Aren't you my fiancée?” The careless tone was like a heavy hammer, hitting my heart hard. The dull pain almost made it difficult for me to breathe. There was a sudden silence in the box and several eyes fell on me one after another. Richie finally noticed me at that time and his eyes quickly regained clarity. He glanced at Tiffany beside him, his expression changing, “I, I'm drunk... I thought it was you just now.” I slowly clenched my hands at my side and said calmly, “Let's go.” Seeing that, Richie seemed to be secretly relieved. He stood up shakily and walked towards me. His indifferent eyes seemed somewhat gentle under the light. “Okay, I'll listen to you.” As soon as he finished speaking, he leaned on me as if he had no strength left.  The smell of alcohol was mixed with a sweet scent of perfume like a sharp silver needle, it pierced her heart. I had loved Richie for seven years, more than two thousand days and nights. Liking him had almost become an instinct. Even if I was planning to let go, I would still feel sad because of his betrayal. Richie drank a lot of wine and lost consciousness completely after leaving the box. I carried the man into the car with great difficulty, but found that he had no keys on him. I guess he did not bring it out. I turned back to the box and was about to knock on the door when I suddenly heard Tiffany's half-joking, half-sarcastic voice, “Why did you call her here? It was so embarrassing just now.” “I'm afraid she'll cry. Who of you will comfort her then?” The people in the box laughed and spoke in a mocking tone. “Of course, we have to call her over so she can face reality.” “That's right, she is not worthy of Richie, but she has no self-awareness and keeps clinging to him shamelessly.” “Now that you're back, she should go somewhere cooler.” The merciless ridicule and condescending contempt trampled me into the mud. I listened expressionlessly and suddenly pushed the door open heavily. The voice suddenly stopped. They all looked back and were somewhat surprised and uncomfortable, but they did not feel apologetic. After all, they believed they had said nothing wrong. I raised the corners of my lips, walked forward to pick up the car keys and said as if nothing had happened, “It's okay, you guys continue.” After saying that, I turned and left. Behind me, there was silence. I brought Richie home with great difficulty.  When we entered the building, the drowsy man suddenly became uncooperative and leaned against the door, refusing to move. “Richie, hold on a little longer, we will be able to lie down soon,” I tried to coax him. Richie suddenly opened his eyes and looked fixedly at me. Under the light, his eyes were sharp, as if he was looking at someone extremely disgusting. Before I could react, I was suddenly pushed away by him, “Go away, don’t touch me.” I fell to the ground unexpectedly and felt a sharp pain in my tailbone. I turned pale with pain and looked up at Richie, only to see that he was just leaning against the door, looking down at me.  His indifferent eyes were like a basin of ice water in the cold winter, completely extinguishing my lingering feelings. At the same time, it also woke me up from the illusion I had been having for years. It turned out Richie had never actually loved me. My tears welled up in her eyes, I stood up and left as if escaping. Behind me, Richie slid down the wall and sat on the ground, seemingly having fallen asleep, but I had no time to wonder whether he was cold or comfortable. I sat on the sofa all night until it was dawn outside the window. Richie came out of the room with his hands covering his forehead, his face gloomy, “Why would I sleep on the floor, you..." Before he could finish his words, he saw my appearance and suddenly remembered something. He showed a rare look of guilt on his face. After a pause, he apologized, “Sorry, it was my fault last night. By the way, I'm free the day after tomorrow. Can I take you to ride a hot air balloon?” Staying up late made my head feel dizzy and my nerves felt like they were being torn apart. I raised my head in a daze and the face of the man in front of me seemed unfamiliar. I stared at him absentmindedly until he showed impatience. “Okay,” I responded calmly. After getting the answer, Richie felt relieved and left impatiently. I looked at his back, closed my eyes and leaned back on the sofa. Time passed quickly and it was the appointed day. Richie wore a white sportswear, which was rare for him.  His hair fell naturally in front of his forehead and he looked just like he did in college. “Let’s eat first. It's quite far over there and there's nothing to eat on the way,” he said casually. I listened to his familiar tone and paused slightly, but said nothing. After finishing our meal, we drove to their destination. That day was a weekday and most of the tourists there were students and young couples. Their faces were filled with excitement and anticipation and they chatter away, making the two of us who were silent seem like oddities.  

  I turned around, wanting to say something to break the silence, but saw Richie concentrating on looking at his phone. It was the same scene that had happened countless times in the past month. I thought I had gotten used to it, but for some reason, my heart still felt clogged.” Richie, can you concentrate on accompanying me today and not look at your phone?” Richie raised his eyes and the words that were about to come out of his mouth were swallowed back subconsciously the moment he saw my eyes. He paused for a moment, nodded and said, “Okay.” I was somewhat delighted by the unexpected answer. I started talking and enthusiastically pulled Richie to discuss the scenery there. Although Richie did not react much, he would occasionally give a brief reply. Soon, the line reached there. I was about to step forward, Richie's cell phone suddenly rang. The sharp and abrupt ringing sound instantly tightened the string in my mind and then continued to pull and stretch it.  The smile on my lips fell back and I looked at Richie with a slight pleading look, “Richie, it's our turn, let's go up first.” Richie pursed his lips and said, “I'll be back soon.” “What phone call? Is there so…." Before the word ‘important’ could be said, Richie had already left. The staff member urged impatiently, “Do you want to ride or not? If not, get out of the way.” Complex emotions rushed through my heart and soon calmed down. I looked at Richie's back and said in a hoarse voice, “Sorry, I will go now.” I sat in the hot air balloon. The moment the flames lit up above her head, I saw Richie walking out hurriedly through the crowd. He had not even thought about explaining anything to me. The hot air balloon slowly rose into the sky and Richie's figure gradually shrank until he got into the car and drove away. My clenched fists loosened and I completely lost all hope. There was bitterness in my eyes, but I told myself in my heart, ‘It does not matter, I don't want Richie anymore.’ Half an hour later, I returned to the ground and my cell phone suddenly vibrated in my pocket. I took it out and found that it was in the friend group that Richie and I were in and everyone was chatting. [Richie was too crazy today, he just rushed over like that.] [I can't believe that such a calm person would actually fight.] [There are many things you can't see. Richie did everything for Tiffany before, including smoking, drinking and fighting. The only thing missing is a tattoo.] My eyelashes trembled as I scrolled through the chat history until a video appeared.  After clicking it, the scene was in a French restaurant. It was crowded with people, but Richie and Tiffany could still be seen. In the background, someone was yelling, “I'm having a meal with a woman, what does it have to do with you? Get out of here!” Amid the noise, Richie's calm but firm voice penetrated the screen and reached my eardrums, “She is mine.” A silent muffled sound echoed fiercely in my mind, shocking me to the point of trembling with fear. Tiffany was his, but what about her? Was I a victim of unlove, or a burden that had long been discarded? My eyes were swollen and painful and my thoughts suddenly went back to a month ago, when I had just learned of Tiffany's existence. Everything in the past was like an illusion, falling apart before my eyes. I stumbled back home, looked at everything familiar and began to call Richie repeatedly, hoping that he would come back and tell myself that it was all fake.  

  But after the call was connected, a female voice came from the other end, “Richie, there's a call for you.” “I don't want to answer it. It's very annoying.” Just a few numbers, but they become a sharp bone scraper. I was in so much pain that blood was dripping from my eyes. I opened Richie's WhatsApp, [3.] Memories came flooding back like a raging flood, making up that dark rainy night. As I was performing outside, I accidentally broke my left leg. I called Richie and asked him to pick me up. I was prepared to be rejected, but unexpectedly he agreed. I was nervous but could not help feeling happy. My heart, which had been floating in the air for some time, finally fell back to its original place, but was soon crushed by his own hands and scattered everywhere. It was because on the way back, Richie received a call from Tiffany and learned that her dog was lost, so he left me behind without hesitation. I stood on the deserted roadside, crying miserably. As a result, I continued to send messages with trembling hands, [2.] The message was sent, but just like my clown-like mumblings over the years, I would never get a response. Even in Richie's mouth, it was a heavy burden. “Letha, can you put your focus on yourself?” “You're suffocating me.” “Letha, can you give me some freedom?” Each sentence echoed in my mind like a spell. I pulled myself out of my memories and sent out the last message with red eyes, [1.] Richie, I give up. I left the hot air balloon base and returned home without even the energy to wash up. I just threw myself on the bed and fell asleep. But I did not sleep well and my dreams were full of messy and chaotic scenes. In the ward filled with the smell of disinfectant, the man said in a deep voice, “Let's be together.” Sometimes it was that late night when I was panic-stricken and at a loss. I was struggling hard on the end of the phone and Richie said nonchalantly on the other end, “I don't want to answer it. I'm very annoyed.” The scattered voice, like a lingering spell, trapped me. I woke up in suffocating sadness and felt something cold on her cheek. As I raised my hand and touched it, I saw water stains on her fingertips and realized they were tears. My throat was severely blocked and there was a lingering pain in his heart. Suddenly the phone rang, bringing her back from her emotions. It was my best friend, Reba Rollins, calling, “Letha, where are you? I'll be there in twenty minutes. Remember, room 805 is there, don’t go to the wrong place.” I then remembered that I had recently talked to Reba about going abroad, so we made an appointment to have dinner that day. I stood up hastily, “I'll leave now.” Half an hour later, we met at the agreed hotel. Reba ordered a table of dishes generously and teased me with a smile, “Come to think of it, you always insisted on Dr. Arnold before, how come you are willing to leave him now?” That was how much I cared about Richie before, but it did not exist anymore. I curled my lips and was about to speak when I was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. It was the director of the hospital. “Ms. Forbes, why did not Richie come to work today?” He said anxiously, “He has an operation to perform this afternoon, but I can't find him now.” My mind flashed with the scene from yesterday.  I frowned slightly. Was Richie ignoring even his own patients for Tiffany?  

  I said, “Don't worry, I'll contact his friends and see.” “Okay, okay, it must be done as soon as possible,” The director responded repeatedly. After hanging up the phone, I planned to look for Richie's friends, but when I opened WhatsApp, I found a lot of unread messages. After reading them, I finally understood what was going on. Richie had a fight with someone in the restaurant yesterday and was currently being detained by the police. ‘He really is willing to do anything for love,’ I thought sarcastically and called the director again, saying that Richie had something to do that day and had to take half a day off. Then I said goodbye to Reba and hurried to the police station. Perhaps he had a hard time at the police station last night.  Richie, who had always been bright and handsome, looked a little embarrassed. The dark circles under his eyes and his messy clothes all showed what happened to him last night. “Why didn't you answer the phone yesterday?” he asked. My face was calm when I answered, “I went straight to bed after returning home yesterday without turning on my phone.” She paused for a moment and added, “After all, no one needs to contact me.” Richie heard the sarcasm in my words and his expression became slightly unnatural. He said nothing more. I paid the bail and left with Richie. After leaving the police station, Richie held me and said in a rare soft voice, “Don't think too much about what happened yesterday. Tiffany is my friend. I can't just ignore her if something happens to her.” “Okay.” I nodded calmly. Richie frowned, seemingly unconvinced, “That’s it?” Ever since Tiffany returned to the US, I had made a fuss about that countless times. Richie could still explain to her at first, but gradually, he became impatient. I looked down at the message on her phone. It turned out my visa was approved. I felt a little relieved and looked up at him in confusion, “What else?” She paused and repeated with a smile, “You said, you are just helping a friend.” Richie felt something strange in his heart, but he breathed a sigh of relief out of habit. I have always been easy to coax. Even if he was angry, he could just soften his voice and say a few words to coax him.  He thought it would be the same that time, so he did not need to spend too much energy. He said, “That's good, let's go home.” When we returned home, I opened her phone to check her flight tickets. Richie came in from outside and asked, “What are you doing?” After saying that, he seemed to remember something, “By the way, it's our anniversary in a few days, is there anywhere you want to go?” I paused. I scanned the date on my phone and found it a little absurd. It turned out that he also knew their anniversary, but he never remembered it in the past seven years. Even if I reminded him specifically, he would forget it again. My eyes moved slightly and I said, “I want to take the ferry.” That was not a big deal, so Richie agreed easily, “Okay, no problem.” After he finished speaking, he looked at me, who had not moved for a long time. For some reason, I felt a vague fear in my heart, as if I might lose the person in front of me at any time. He suppressed his inexplicable emotions and took out his mobile phone to book a ticket. “It happens to be Sunday, so I’ll buy the ticket now.” Richie said and promised, “There won't be any more accidents this time.” Yeah? I raised my eyebrows but did not comment. On the anniversary day, Richie accompanied me to the riverside, picked up tickets, went through security checks and queued up to board the ship... Everything went so smoothly that I was a little dazed.  

  She looked at the sparkling river in the distance and suddenly asked, “If Tiffany calls, can you refuse the call?” Richie frowned, somewhat uneasy about my assumption, “It was all coincidence before, you don't have to target her like that.” “What if?” I asked. Just as I finished speaking, a shrill ringtone suddenly rang out. As if it was destined, it would always come at the last moment, with a proud and confident attitude and forcefully break in. There was a lot of noise around, but it could not cover up the ringing sound. I looked at the word ‘Tiff’ flashing on the screen and his emotions seemed to no longer be aroused. But she still looked at Richie and whispered, “Richie, now you can tell me the answer.” The last syllable unconsciously trembled slightly. Seven years of love came pouring in, tormenting my heart repeatedly. Even if I let go, I still wanted to struggle one last time. Just one last time. Richie looked unhappy. He hesitated for a long time while holding the phone and finally said, “She may have something urgent to do. Don't think too much about it.” My throat seemed to be blocked by cotton and I could not make any sound. I looked at Richie's unhesitating figure and felt that my last bit of dignity was ruthlessly smashed.  The fragments on the ground were like countless twisted smiling faces, mocking me for overestimating my own abilities. Half an hour later, I saw Tiffany's post. The caption read, [No need to say it, someone is in a hurry to meet my parents. So lovely.] In the photo, Richie carefully and thoughtfully served food to Tiffany's parents, with an eager look on his face. He really looked like a son-in-law meeting the parents. I closed the app, deleted Tiffany and sent Richie one last message, [0.]

In the box, Richie's heart suddenly skipped a beat and the smile on his face froze. He felt as if something was out of his control. “Richie, what's wrong with you?” Tiffany asked from the side. Richie frowned and shook his head when he explained, “It's okay. I had originally agreed to accompany her to take the ferry today, but I broke the appointment at the last minute. She might be a little unhappy.” As he said that, he took out his cell phone to see if I had sent any message. “What?” Tiffany immediately became anxious. “Did not I disturb you? It's all my fault. Ms. Forbes must be unhappy that I need your help for such a small matter.” She patted her head and grabbed Richie's phone, “I'll go apologize to her right now. Hey... why are you her friend?” The words of refusal were about to come to Richie's lips, but he suddenly stopped when he heard the words. He looked at Tiffany's phone in disbelief and his panic suddenly grew. If that was the case, then the post that Tiffany had posted before was seen by me. Before he could think about it, Tiffany asked curiously, “Richie, what do these numbers mean?” Number? Richie took the phone and looked at the countdown on the screen. He suddenly realized that he and I had not had good communication on WhatsApp for a long time. The last reply was half a month ago. After work that day, he ignored my complaints about the troubles Encountered in the band and instead accompanied Tiffany to eat at a recently opened Internet celebrity restaurant. Unexpectedly, he met me on the way. Looking at the other party's shocked and disappointed eyes, his first reaction was impatience. That night, in order to avoid quarrels after returning home, Richie simply slept in the hospital.  On his mobile phone, there was a countdown message from me, [10]. After that, we no longer communicated and only lonely numbers remained in the dialog box. [9] That day he seemed to say that I was boring and asked if I could stop bothering him, but I still had blisters on my hands from cooking; [8] In front of his friends, he told me to go home and then stayed up all night with Tiffany until dawn; [7] They started to call Tiffany her girlfriend and asked her what I was. But he said I was nothing. The past events were like a rewinding movie, flashing frame by frame and finally freezing on that afternoon when I smiled and said to myself, “If the number of times is used up, I will leave.” Richie stood up suddenly and walked out quickly. “Hey, Richie, where are you going?” He left Tiffany behind.  He called me while walking, but no one answered. When he rushed home, he found the house empty. “Letha?” Richie rushed into the room but saw no one. He then searched the study and the balcony but still found nothing. Richie suppressed his panic, thought of something and opened the social media just to find that in my latest update, I posted a photo of a ferry with the caption, [I crossed the river with you, but we did not reach the shore together.] Almost at the same time, Richie's phone started to ring continuously. They were all messages from friends asking him what was going on and some even called him directly. “Richie, you broke up with Letha?” The other party's tone was full of joy. He rubbed his brows and said, “No, tell them not to guess.” “Not divided yet?" Richie did not want to say anything more, so he hung up the phone and continued to call me. After calling for more than ten times, no one answered. He found Reba's phone number and tried to call. Finally, he got through. “Dr. Arnold, how come you found time to call me in your busy schedule?” Reba asked in a cheerful voice. As Richie listened to her voice, he directly asked, “I can't contact Letha, do you know where she went?” “Of course you can’t contact her right now, she's already take off.” Reba was halfway through her words when she suddenly realized what was going on and said in a slightly depressed tone, “Don't you know that Letha is going abroad today?” “What?” Richie's heart skipped a beat. He was vaguely aware that something had gone out of his control without his knowledge. The fear of the unknown made his voice hoarse.  “What is she doing abroad? Traveling or performing?” Reba's attitude turned cold. “It seems you really do not know. That's right, you're focusing all your attention on that girl.” She taunted, “How can you have time to care about Letha, you scumbag, stay away from her from now on!” She hung up the phone without giving Richie a chance to speak and when he called back, the voice prompt said he had been blacklisted. The anger and confusion in Richie's heart were instantly replaced by anxiety. “What did Letha do there? When would Letha come back?” he muttered. Countless thoughts flashed through his mind and Richie realized belatedly that he seemed to understand me even less than an ordinary friend. I landed, it was evening in France. A vast expanse of sunset glow spread across the sky, stretching out magnificent and dreamy colors.  I walked out of the airport and saw the orchestra leader, Levi Hansen, walking towards me with a smile.